Kim Kardashian West Monologue

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Kim Kardashian West

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Kardashian West.

[Kim Kardashian West walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Kim Kardashian West: Thank you. Thank you guys so much. I’m Kim Kardashian West and it’s so great to be here tonight. I know. I’m surprised to see me here too. When they asked, I was like, “You want me to host? Why? I haven’t had a movie premiere in a really long time.” I mean actually, I only had that one movie come out and no one told me it was even premiering. It must have slipped my mom’s mind.

I’m excited to be here tonight to show you guys that I’m so much more than just a pretty face. [cheers and applause] But, and good hair, and great makeup, and amazing boobs and a perfect butt. Basically, I’m just so much more than that reference photo my sisters show their plastic surgeons. But the one thing that I’m really proud of is that no one could ever call me a gold digger. Honestly, I’m not even sure how you become one. So, I asked my mom’s boyfriend Corey.

I’ve been very lucky in life and I know that I’m privileged, which is why I try to give back as much as I can. A real passionate mind is getting wrongly accused people out of jail. [cheers and applause] Thank you. I think I’m following in my father’s footsteps. Now, my father was and still is such an influence and inspiration to me, and I credit him with really opening up my eyes to racial injustice. It’s because of him that I met my first black person. Do you want to take a stab in the dark of who it was? I know it’s sort of weird to remember the first black person you met, but O.J. does leave a mark, or several, or none at all. I still don’t know.

Listen, I’m an influencer. So, I understand that the things that I say carry weight. But I would never tell anyone what they can or can’t do. Remember, I’m a Kim, not a Karen. And honestly with all of the ‘K’ names, it’s really impressive that my mom didn’t pick Karen. I mean, somehow she just knew. I don’t know how she saw that one coming and not Katlyn.

Now, I know we’re divided as a country but I love America to come together. Which is why I’m here to announce that I’m running for– I’m just kidding guys. I’m not running for president. We can’t have three failed politicians in one family.

I’ve been very blessed in this life and I’m grateful for everything. Honestly, all the ups, all the downs. I mean, I married the best rapper of all time. Not only that, he’s the richest black man in America. A talented legit genius who gave me four incredible kids. [cheers and applause] So, when I divorced him, you have to know it came down to just one thing. His personality. I know that sounds mean but people keep telling me that comedy comes from truth. And if there’s one thing that I always thrived to be, it’s genuine. So, I just want to say how incredibly excited I am to be up here on this stage tonight. I mean, I’m so used to having 360 million followers watching my every move. I mean, how many people watch SNL? 10 million? So, tonight it’s just a chill intimate night for me.

So, we have a really great show for you tonight. Halsey is here. So, stick around and we’ll be right back.

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