Mikey Day[Starts with Punkie and Aidy chatting at their office]
Aidy: I know it’s like what do I get my dad for Christmas?
Punkie: Buying presents is the worst.
Aidy: Yes, so stressful.[Kyle walks in]
Kyle: Totally. And what’s up with Santas clothes? Like you might want to update that wardrobe. Right?
Aidy: Yeah. Hey, Kyle.
Kyle: Question for you. What are you all doing for Christmas? Should we do something together? That’d be kinda weird and cool.
Aidy: Oh, I mean, I’m going home.
Punkie: Yeah, this is family for me.
Kyle: Ah! Dope. Well, if things change, I’m just chilling over the break. So hit me up.
Kyle: God bless us. Everyone. Tiny Tom, or it’s not Tiny Tom– Thompson.
Aidy: No.[Kyle walks away and looks back at Aidy and Punkie talking to each other. He feels lonely] [Cut to Bowen getting ready. Kyle walks to him]
Kyle: Bowen, my dastardly companion.
Bowen: Hey, Kyle.
Kyle: What you do for Xmas?
Bowen: Oh, my parents are flying in.
Kyle: Well, if the plane crashes or anything, I’ll just be in the city.So, hit me up.
Kyle: Remember, don’t be naughty. Oh, oh![Kyle turns around and makes a sad face. He feels lonely] [Cut to Jacob writing his page. Kyle walks to him.]
Kyle: Jacob, coolest page ever. Hey, you get to spend Christmas with me. I know. I’m sort of an SNL vet. But I’m surprisingly down to hang with people like you.
Jacob: Oh, I actually can’t. I’m going upstate.
Kyle: But I’m on the cast.[Kyle turns around and starts crying. He feels lonely]
Jacob: Are you crying?
Kyle: No, no, no. [sobbing] I was just thinking how cool it is that Santa does it all in one night? Guy is a monster.[Kyle walks away] [singing]
Just another Christmas[Billy Eilish joins]
Kyle and Billy: Alone
Billy: Wow. Kyle, you’re a great singer.
Kyle: I know. They don’t know how to use me on the show. And no one’s spending Christmas with. Even the Please Don’t Destroy guys said I shouldn’t be alive.
Billy: Oh! Sorry, man. But Christmas isn’t just about where you are on December 25. It’s about the love that surrounds you every day. I bet there’s a lot of Christmas Joy here at 30 Rock.
Kyle: Yeah. I guess you’re right.
Billy: So go ahead. Who brings Christmas joy into your life?
Kyle: Well, there’s Kenan Thompson. He still calls me Beck Bennett. I can tell that his heart is definitely in the right place. And no one’s better than Heidi and Ego. They’re so funny. They’ve got this really great bit going when they just don’t follow me on Instagram. Can’t forget Pete. You know it’s tough being the handsome guys on show. The tablets just won’t leave us alone. I guess everyone here brings me joy. Except maybe Mikey Day. I really don’t like him. I think he’s fake? I have a fantasy where I catch them on a ride at night alone. Sort of tie him up. I’m wearing a mask but I let them get a peek at who’s in charge.[Cut to Kyle picturing him tying up Mikey]
Kyle: You guessed it.[Cut back to Kyle and Billie]
Kyle: I throw him in the closet, kick them around a little bit. Pour some gasoline on him just to mess with him. And I go on his computer change all the Mikey’s in his scripts to Kyle’s and then look at me, I’m the star of the show. So yeah, to answer your question, it’s very joyful to be here at 30 Rock.
Billy: Holy fuck!
Kyle: Thanks for the help, Billy. And Merry Christmas.[Kyle walks away. Mikey is walking by]
Oh, what’s up, Mikey? Whoa, cool shoes man.
Mikey: Thanks. Hey Billy, how’s it going?
Billy: Run. Quit the show. You’re not safe.[Kyle is peeking at Mikey from the corner]
Male voice: Merry Christmas from Max Schat, Don Jr, flustered customer and all your favorite Kyle Mooney characters.