Shawn… Owen Wilson
Mark… Andrew Dismukes
Dorothy… Sarah Sherman
Mailman… Chris Redd[Starts with Shawn setting up his set]
Shawn: Come on! Let’s move those soft light over there an and then we’re gonna lock up set.
Aristotle: Shawn, the clients are here.
Shawn: Great. Bring them in. Okay, here we go.[Mark and Dorothy walk in. They both are doctors.]
Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Robinson. Welcome to your commercial.
Dorothy: Wow, you guys got a professional setup over here.
Mark: Yes, very impressive.
Shawn: Thank you. And these are your marks right here. You’re just gonna stand there and all I need you to do is speak right to the camera.
Mark: Sounds great.
Dorothy: Love that. Can do.
Shawn: Let’s shoot this puppy. Quite on set.
Aristotle: Okay, Robinson’s Main-In stool testing. Take one.
Shawn: And action!
Dorothy: Hi. I’m Dr. Dorothy Robinson and this is my husband Dr. Mark.
Dorothy: Stool testing can provide advanced diagnosis of harmful diseases and genetic pre-dispositions.
Mark: And with our mail-in kit, you’ll be able to test your stool without ever leaving your house.
Dorothy: Many people are hesitant to mailing their stools. Why? Because they’re worried that someone might take it out and mess around with it.
Mark: That’s why at Robinsons’, we guarantee that we won’t!
Dorothy: We want to do one thing and one thing only with your stool. And that’s testing for diseases.
Mark: We’re gonna take it out, test it for diseases, then that thing is going right in the trash. I promise!
Dorothy: You can trust Robinsons’ staffs will absolutely not mess around with it, play around with it, goof around with it, anything like that.
Mark: That’s why, our motto is…
Both: “Robinsons’, we’re gonna take it out, test it for diseases. Then that thing’s going right in the trash.”
Shawn: Okay. Let’s cut here. Pretty good. I really love your good chemistry. I gotta stay honest with you guys. It seems like you’re gonna take it out and play with it.
Mark: Okay. Explain that.
Dorothy: Yea, coz you say– We’re saying that we’re not.
Shawn: I get it. But I think what’s happening it’s a little too direct. And maybe even so direct that it becomes suspicious.
Mark: Oh, okay.
Dorothy: Yea, I get that.
Shawn: Great. Okay. So, maybe we try not to be so definite about it this time. Just don’t hit it quite as hard, okay?
Mark: Definite, got it.
Dorothy: Got you boss. Got you boss.
Shawn: Alright. Let’s go again.[Aristotle walks in with a clapperboard]
Aristotle: Okay. Robinsons’ mail-in stool testing. Take two.
Dorothy: Hi there. Lots of people don’t want to mail us their stool because they’re worried we might take em’ out and mess around with them a little bit.
Mark: But at Robinsons’, our process is simple. We take it out, test it for diseases, and after that, who knows what we’re gonna do?
Dorothy: Yea, who knows? Maybe we’ll mess it around a little bit, maybe we won’t.
Mark: Every rose has its thorn. In this case, the rose is we will test it for diseases. The thorn, maybe we take it out and mess around a little bit.
Dorothy: That’s why at Robinsons’, our motto is…
Both: “Robinsons’, we’re gonna take it out, test it for diseases. Then that thing’s going right in the trash… Maybe!”
Shawn: Okay. Cut. Guys, I feel like I gotta ask. Do you take it out and mess around with it?
Dorothy: You know, I was worried people might think that.
Mark: Yeah. Guess we got to hit that little bit harder, huh?
Shawn: No, no. Do not hit it any harder. That’s making me think that you do.
Dorothy: Okay. I think that’s just a you thing. Hey, buddy. [calling Aristotle] Okay. Do you think we’re just gonna take these things out, mess around with them, goof around with them a little bit?
Aristotle: Yes, I do.
Shawn: I think just don’t mention it all and no one will think that you do. If they do, then that’s their problem.
Dorothy: Okay, yeah. You’re right. That’s their problem.
Mark: Great call.
Shawn: Thank you. For that respect. Okay. This is the one, guys. Let’s do it![Aristotle walks in with a clapperboard]
Aristotle: Okay. Robinsons’ mail-in stool testing. Take three.
Shawn: [whispering] Action.
Dorothy: Dorothy here. I got a question for you. [yelling] Who the hell do you think you are? You think we can’t help ourselves around your precious little stool?
Mark: You think you’re special? We see thousands of these things every day. You think there’s something so tempting about your’s?
Dorothy: Just ask our mailman. [Mailman walks in] Ay, mailman. You don’t mind carrying these things around, right?
Mailman: I don’t mind.
Dorothy: thank you.
Mailman: I don’t mind at all.
Mark: We’re professionals, people. We take our jobs seriously. And we value your trust.
Dorothy: that’s why we at Robinsons’, our motto is…
Both: “Robinsons’, we’re gonna take it out, and play around with it.”
Mark: Okay, that felt great. I think we got it.
Dorothy: Now, who wants to mess around with one of those things?
Mark: We got plenty.