Mikey Day
Zachariah… Beck Bennett
Isaiah… Kenan Thompson
Chris Redd
Anya Taylor-Joy
Ego Nwodim
Aidy Bryant
Zelda… Melissa Villaseñor
Kate McKinnon
Jesus… Kyle Mooney
Mikey: Okay, so I just spoke with god and he’s ready to see our design for human man.
Zachariah: Nice.
Mikey: But he wants the team working on human woman to take a look first. So, what’s left to do here? Zachariah, where did you guys land on hair for a human man.
Zachariah: We’re putting it pretty much everywhere.
Mikey: Alright. You still want to put hair in the butt crack?
Zachariah: We like to try it. Yeah.
Mikey: Okay. Just be prepared to defend that choice to god because he will bring that up.
Anya: Hey. We’re the human woman team. God said we should stop by. [looking at the human man model] Is this human man?
Mikey: Yeah. Come on in. Take a look. I think you’ll like what you see.
Ego: Hmm, okay. And is this final?
Mikey: Well, it’s not done done yet, but…
Ego: Yeah, good.
Aidy: Yeah. It’s interesting. I mean, I see it with one huge toe instead of five.
Mikey: Well, like I said, this isn’t final.
Zelda: I think it’s cool.
Aidy: Zelda, don’t.
Kate: It’s got a lot of hair. Human woman doesn’t have nearly this much.
Zachariah: And human woman is going to be cold all the time. Watch.
Anya: By the way, I don’t know if you guys have heard but we have figured out how to have human woman make food for the baby.
Isaiah: Liar!
Mikey: Isaiah, please. I’m sorry, which part makes the baby’s food?
Anya: Oh yes. The two bumps on the chest. The name might change but right now we’re calling them squeezies.
Kate: Yeah. The squeezies make the milk and it comes out of the nipples.
Ego: May I ask what the nipples on human man do?
Isaiah: That’s an excellent question. The nipples are to create the illusion of a giant face to scare of predators.
Zelda: Cool. That’s really smart.
Aidy: Zelda, that’s enough.
Kate: Sorry, the nipples are the eyes and the mouth is what? The little hole there?
Isaiah: Obviously.
Ego: Okay, you know, maybe human man’s nipples could product milk too. I mean, that would be very–
Isaiah: [angry] They are there to create the illusion of a giant face. I mean they’re giving notes now?
Anya: No. It’s good. But sorry, what’s going on here? Are these reproductive organs?
Mikey: Yup. The dangler and the wrinkle pouch.
Ego: And is that final?
Mikey: Name might change. But we think god will dig the design. As you can see, the dangler uses three different colors of skin. And it can grow and shrink.
Zelda: Wow, that’s fun. Can we see it grow?
Aidy: Okay, Zelda, go wait outside. Go.
Anya: Now, what happens when human man runs. Does the dangler retract? Or…
Zachariah: That’s cute. No. It bounces around and smacks into his legs.
Kate: Won’t that hurt?
Mikey: No, the dangler’s extremely tough. He can squeeze it as hard as he wants. It will be fine.
Ego: And what about the wrinkle pouch?
Isaiah: Oh, that’s extremely sensitive. If you flick it, he will fall over and vomit.
Chris: That was my idea.
Isaiah: Yes, it was.
Kate: Okay. And this contraption can make the sperm needed to fertilize human woman’s eggs?
Mikey: I don’t know. It only makes about a billion a day.
Anya: A billion? What happens if they build up in the wrinkle pouch?
Mikey: Isaiah, you want to take that one?
Isaiah: He gets stupid and goes crazy.
Chris: That was my idea.
Isaiah: Yeah, it was.
Anya: Well, I guess this will have to do. Thanks fellas.
Aidy: What were they thinking?
Ego: Girl, they weren’t.
Mikey: Okay, don’t spin out, guys. We’re fine. Maybe we do five toes instead of one, but otherwise, I think we’re golden.
Jesus: Oh, the dudes.
Isaiah: Hey, what’s up, Jesus?
Jesus: What if I chill here? I feel like people avoid me because I’m god’s son or whatever. But I’m actually a pretty laid back guy.
Mikey: We’re really busy, Jesus.
Jesus: Oh, good. I’m actually supposed to meet some homies right now. I’ll get out of here.