Mens Cosmetics

[Starts with video clips of a man working out]

Male voice: You’re a man and you’ve got skin, lots of it. Make it work for you with a line of revolutionary skin ammo from Man Stain. Formulated just for the guys, Man Stain helps you look your best.

Dan Levy: I’m sorry. What is Man Stain?

Male voice: It levels up your mug for peak appearance performance.

Dan Levy: So, it’s make up?

Male voice: Nah, dude. Make up’s for girls. Man Stain’s just for the guys. [Alex opens what looks like a can of soda. Then he pours some of it on his hand and starts applying it on his face.] Annihilate redness, vanquish vine lines and [bleep] block impurities. With Man Stain double IPA tinted dude fluid.

Dan Levy: Okay. You’re using very violent language to describe it but yes, see? It’s base. It has a tint.

Male voice: Wanna look like you just came from a real nut busting workout at the gym?Then you need Man Stain’s x-ertion nice and rust booster.

[Alex is wearing a make up using what looks like a brush on a tip of a gun.]

Dan Levy: Okay. That is blush in a gun. Is that what you want it to be?

Male voice: You’re down but you’re not out, you big ass [bleep].

Dan Levy: It’s okay to want to look nice.

Male voice: So, sag up and try the whole damn line. Man Stain Manscara for maximum alertness. Mouth grease for a glossy manly pout. And meat lover’s guyshadow eye dirt pizza compact.

Dan Levy: Sells like pepperoni but it is still makeup.

Male voice: You’re a man, god dammit. You might as well look like one. And if you got a problem with that, you can go straight to hell.

Dan Levy: You guys look good.

Male voice: Man Stain, from the makers of Nutrisystem for men. It’s not a diet, coz that’s what girls do.

Dan Levy: And is this beauty blender a football?

Male voice: Hell, yeah.

Dan Levy: Why?

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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