Picture with Dad

0
(0)

Shawn… Andrew Dismukes

Elizabeth… Heidi Gardner

Mom… Aidy Bryant

Dad… Beck Bennet

Doctor… Anya Taylor-Joy

Policeman… Alex Moffat

[Starts with Shawn and Elizabeth getting ready for the prom picture a Elizabeth’s home.]

Mom: Okay now, smile. Oh my gosh, you two are so cute. And I got it. Alright. Now I want to do long ways.

Elizabeth: Mom, come on. We’re going to be late.

Mom: Elizabeth, calm down please. I just want one more.

Dad: Oh wait, I got an idea. I’ll be right back.

Mom: Chris, where are you going?

Dad: I got an idea for the picture. It’s going to be great. Hold on.

Elizabeth: Sorry, Shawn, my parents are being so lame.

Shawn: It’s okay, babe. We got time. Mrs. Sanders, take as many as you want.

Mom: Shawn, I knew I liked you. Alright now, scootch together and smile. One… two…

[Dad walks in with a big shotgun.]

Shawn: Whoa!

Elizabeth: Oh my god, dad!

Mom: Chris!

Dad: What? I saw it on the internet. It’s funny.

Mom: Chris, I told you that we weren’t doing this.

Dad: Oh come on, it’s funny.

Elizabeth: Dad, how is it funny?

Dad: Oh, you know, it’s like, “Hey, Mr. You better not try anything or I’ll shoot you.” Ha-ha. People are doing it. It’s a thing. It’s like, bang!

Mom: Chris!

Dad: Oh, come on, relax. [Dad shoots himself at his penis]

[Ten minutes later]
[Dad is taken to the hospital]

Doctor: Okay, what do we got?

Policeman: Male, age 48. Blew his [bleep] off taking a photo with his daughter.

Doctor: Their prom picture?

Policeman: Yes.

Mom: Chris, we’re right here.

Dad: Did you get it?

Mom: I tried honey, but it’s pretty rough.

Doctor: Is that his–

Mom: Yes. [Mom shows his blown off penis inside a container.]

Dad: Is it alright?

Doctor: Okay, Mr. Sanders. Looks like we will not be able to reattach.

Dad: Okay. You could probably just do it though, right?

Doctor: No, sir. I do not think we can do that.

Dad: You can probably reattach it though, right?

Doctor: No, sir. I don’t think that’s possible.

Dad: But you can just do it though, right?

Doctor: No sir, we can’t.

Dad: Oh god.

Elizabeth: Is my dad going to be okay?

Doctor: I’ll do what I can.

Mom: My god, Chris. How could you be so stupid.

Dad: I wanted to take a funny picture.

Mom: What is funny about holding a gun around kids?

Dad: Cause I don’t want them to have sex.

Mom: They’ve been dating for three years. They’ve had sex.

Dad: What?

Elizabeth: Yes, dad. We’ve done it a lot.

Dad: When?

Elizabeth: Well, you know when we went to Jamaica and you didn’t see us the entire trip?

Dad: Yeah.

Elizabeth: Well, then.

Shawn: Yeah. And do you remember all those times that you wake up and I’m in the kitchen shirtless drinking a gatorade?

Dad: Yeah.

Shawn: Well, those times too.

Dad: Oh, why?

Doctor: Okay, Mr. Sanders. we’re going into operation. So, we’re going to have to put you under, alright?

Dad: Wait! Wait! Lizzy, I’m sorry I ruined your prom by blowing my [bleep] off with my gun.

Elizabeth: It’s okay, dad.

Dad: And Laura, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you and so I blew my little [bleep] off with my big old gun.

Mom: It’s fine, Chris.

Dad: And Shawn, you’re like a son to me. You take good care of my daughter.

Shawn: Thanks Mr. Sanders.

Dad: But tonight out of respect of me, please don’t have sex with each other.

Shawn: Okay. We will, but yeah.

Dad: No, but just tonight, don’t.

Shawn: Yes. We’re going to. But okay.

Dad: Look, just tonight, out of respect for my condition. Please don’t.

Shawn: Yes, sir. We will though. But yeah.

Dad: No. For me, just tonight, don’t.

Elizabeth: You got it, dad. We are, but yeah.

Dad: I’m saying don’t do it.

Elizabeth: You got it.

Shawn: Yeah, we are though.

Dad: I blew my [bleep] off tonight. Please don’t have sex with each other.

[doctor puts oxygen mask on Dad.]

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments