Martin Herlihy[Starts with three writers of SNL in their office room]
Ben: I’m sorry you and Angie broke up but are you gonna sit here sulking or are you going to call her?
John: I’m not calling her guys.
Martin: Why not?
John: Because if I was her, I wouldn’t take me back either. [sad music playing] I was really a jerk to her. I was selfish and I was too afraid to be vulnerable and lost her.
Martin: John, that was beautiful. Just tell her that.
Ben: Yeah, man. She would really appreciate hearing that. Just give her a call buddy. Tell her what she told us.
John: Hey, Ange. It’s me. Yeah, it’s John. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Ben: No! Why are you saying that?
John: What am I doing, dude? I’m freaking out.
Martin: Say what you said earlier.
Ben: Say something else.
Martin: The being vulnerable thing.
John: Go fuck yourself. I never liked you in the first place, girly.
Ben: What did she say?
John: You got to bail me out.
Ben: You want me to talk to her?
John: Bail me out. Talk to her. Talk to her. Tell her I’m sorry. Please.
Ben: Hi, Angie. Hey, sorry. I don’t know what’s gonna– Fuck you.
Martin: No! Oh my god.
Ben: Fuck you, loser.
Ben: Am I doing it too?
Ben: I hate all of what you’re working with. What is going on?
John: Get off the phone.
Martin: Angie, I don’t know what’s going on with those guys. I love you. Fuck!
Ben: Come on, man!
John: It’s my ex girlfriend. Give me the phone. Angie, it’s me. I’m really sorry.
Martin: Oh, dude. It’s on mute. [unmutes] Fuck you, bitch.
Martin: Why are we so off today?
John: Ange?[hangs up]
She hung up on me.
Ben: Are you serious?
Martin: Very mature.
John: Blew it again with the love of my life.
Martin: Yeah, blew my last girlfriend too by getting my penis stuck in her toilet.
Ben: Just like I blew Stevie. Every time we had sex, I’d say, “I’d Chihuahua.” She did not like that.
John: But Angie wasn’t like your ugly girlfriends. She was just warm as a summer night. As sweet as the song. She was– [phone ringing] Oh my god, she’s on her way up.[Angie barges in]
Angie: You mother[bleep].
All: Angie.[Angie smashes John’s head on the table]