Kate Mckinnon
Beck Bennett
Chris Redd
Ego Nwodim
Heidi Gardner
Elon Musk
Andrew Dismukes
[Starts with show intro]
Female voice: And now, every conversation with people you haven’t seen since quarantine started.
[Cut to people at a party. Kate walks to Beck.]
Kate: Hey.
Beck: Hi.
Kate: Good to see you. It’s been– Well, it’s been since before quarantine.
Beck: Yes. Totally. How– How was it?
Kate: Um, yeah, it was okay. Considering. It was okay.
Beck: Yeah.
Kate thinking to herself: Who the fuck is this? Is this a person I know?
Beck: It’s such a weird time. But things seem to be opening up again. Fingers crossed.
[both laughing]
Beck thinking to himself: Who the hell is this woman? Is she my wife’s friend? Or do our kids go to school together?
[Cut to Chris and Ego chatting on a sofa]
Chris: It’s such a crazy time right now. What’s summer even going to be like?
Ego: I know, right? Like, will people travel and do stuff?
Chris: I will get on a plane with you right now.
[both laughing]
Chris thinking to himself: Is she my cousin? Hope I’m not flirting with someone that might be my cousin.
Ego thinking to herself: He remembers he’s my cousin, right? And how many times can a person say, “it’s such a crazy time right now”?
Chris: It’s such a crazy time right now.
[Cut to Heidi and Elon chatting]
Heidi: So, did you travel at all?
Elon: No. You?
Heidi: No.
Elon: Cool.
Heidi thinking to herself: Is this really a conversation?
Elon thinking to himself: I think this is going pretty well.
[Cut to Kate and Beck]
Beck: And how was your quarantine?
Kate: You asked me that already. But you know, it was okay. Some ups and downs.
Kate thinking to herself: Ups and downs? You stabbed your husband with a screwdriver. You won’t finish the bookshelf and you stabbed him. You don’t even own books.
Kate: But I’m sure we all went through some stuffs.
Beck: Totally.
Beck thinking to himself: It affected me zero.
Beck: But I think I’m just going to be extra cautious for the rest of my life, you know?
[Beck wipes his noes, grabs some snakes with the same hand, eats the snacks and licks his finger.]
[Cut to Heidi and Elon]
Elon: Which vaccine did you get?
Heidi: I got Pfizer.
Elon: I got Mederna.
Heidi: Nice.
Heidi thinking to herself: A question that leads nowhere. It’s like asking, “Are you more tylenol or advil”?
Elon thinking to himself: Let me guess. The second dost knocked her out for BeckEgo hours.
Heidi: The second dose knocked me out for about BeckEgo hours.
Elon: Well, it sounds like a unique experience you need to tell everyone about.
Elon thinking to himself: Oh, shit! I said that out loud. Quick laugh so that she knows you’re kidding.
[Elon starts laughing, and Heidi follows]
Heidi thinking to herself: I’ll fucking kill you.
[Cut to Chris and Ego]
Chris: I got that Johnson&Johnson baby, one and done.
Ego: And now you’re totally safe.
[Cut to Kate and Beck]
Beck: Quarantine was good though?
Kate: No.
Beck: Great.
Kate: But recently I have been going to dinner again.
Kate thinking to herself: Did I just say “I’ve been doing to dinner again”? Should I give him more details or should I die?
Beck: I went to one dinner outdoors and one dinner indoors.
Beck thinking to himself: Do I have brain damage? I think I might have permanent brain damage.
[Cut to Heidi and Elon]
Heidi: How is your wife?
Elon: Oh, really good. We’ve been working from home, so we’re really productive and we get to see each other more.
Elon thinking to himself: We’re getting divorced and I’m losing my job.
[Cut to Kate and Beck]
Kate: Anyway, so great to see you.
Beck: So fine catching up.
Beck thinking to himself: I will never see this woman again.
Kate thinking to herself: I will make it a post quarantine goal to never talk to this man again for the rest of my life.
Beck: Come here.
[Beck tries to hug Kate but Kate refuses]
Beck: We’re bros.
Kate: Okay.
[Cut to Heidi and Elon]
Heidi: It was really great talking to you.
Elon: Me too.
Heidi: Me too.
Elon: It’s great.
Heidi: Yes.
[both runs to opposite direction]
[Cut to Chris and Ego]
Chris: Hey, this was lot of fun.
Ego: Yeah. [Chris leans to kiss Ego] What are you doing?
Chris: What?
Ego: You’re my cousin.
Chris: What? Oh, nah! I totally forgot.
Chris thinking to himself: I almost got away with it.
[Andrew walks in]
Andrew: Hey, everyone. A toast to Mark for getting us all back together.
[everybody raising glass but confused]
Andrew thinking to himself: Oh, shit, this is a wrong house.
