Proud Parents

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Debbie… Kate McKinnon

Beck Bennett

Mrs. Pine… Aidy Bryant

Mr. Pine… Kenan Thompson

Mrs. Obi… Ego Nwodim

Mr. Obi… Daniel Kaluuya

Nick… Andrew Dismukes

David… Chris Redd

[Starts with a group of people walking to the living room after having a meal.]

Debbie: Wow, what a lovely meal this was.

Beck: Absolutely. This was my first time having Nigerian food and I must say, it is delicious.

Mrs. Pine: Oh. Hard agree. Pearl, you have to share that stew recipe with me.

Mr. Pine: Why? You know it’s not gonna taste the same when you do it. [laughing]

Mrs. Obi: Oh, come on. Linda, I am sure your stew will be very good.

Mr. Obi: Next time, she will make you a Ugandan dish. I’m the luckiest person because I get to enjoy her cooking every day.

Debbie: Well boys, you should be proud of yourselves. First year of college in the camp.

Beck: Now, I hate to be that dad but Nick actually won an award for his final project.

All: Really?

Nick: It’s nothing really. It’s just a piece I made in postmodern sculpting class.

Debbie: We actually brought it. [showing the sculpture.]

Mrs. Pine: Wow!

Mr. Pine: Kind of takes your breath away.

Mr. Obi: That’s fantastic. I’m proud to say I know the next Picasso.

Mrs. Obi: Yes. Nick, it looks like you’re going to be a famous artist some day.

Nick: Oh. Thanks, Mr. and Mr.s Obi.

Debbie: And how are things going over for you over at Drexel, David?

Mr. Obi: Oh, David is studying to be a medical doctor. We are very proud of him. Paging Dr. Obi.

Mrs. Obi: David, why don’t you tell everyone about your pre-med classes? He is excelling in chemistry.

David: Well, I actually changed my major to creative writing.

[plot change music playing]

Mrs. Obi: You did what?

David: I changed my major to creative writing.

Mr. Obi: Creative who?

David: Creative write-ing.

Mr. Obi: God forbid.

Mrs. Obi: What is ‘creative write-ing’?

David: Something I’m really passionate about. I actually won the ‘Promising Young Writer’ award.

Debbie: Oh, that’s fantastic.

Beck: Nice, buddy.

Mrs. Obi: Oh, yes, very nice, buddy. And award? Can you pay your bills with an award?

Mr. Obi: Can you buy a house with an award?

Mrs. Obi: ‘Promising young writer’. Who promised you what?

David: When Nick said he won an award, you guys said he was going to be famous.

Mr. Obi and Mrs. Obi: We were lying.

Mr. Obi: Look at his ridiculous sculpture.

Mrs. Obi: This ugly thing. Very, very ugly. Mark my words. In two years, Mr. Picasso here is going to be a bag boy at Trader Joe’s.

Debbie: Hey! You know we’re right here.

Mrs. Obi: Debby, it’s true, honey.
Mr. Obi: Son. You are born to be a doctor.

Mrs. Obi: Yes. What kind of job will you get with creative writing?

David: I could be an author.

Mrs. Obi and Mr. Obi: No.

David: A journalist.

Mrs. Obi and Mr. Obi: No.

David: A professor.

Mrs. Obi and Mr. Obi: Hell no.

Debbie: Hey, those sound like great careers.

Mrs. Obi: No, Debbie. They’re not. [to David] You can become a doctor for 40 or 50 years, and then do your writing once you retire.

Beck: You know guys? The world needs poets too.

Mr. Obi: Yes. If there’s anything we have learned from the pandemic, it’s that the world needs more poets.

Mrs. Pine: I think it’s beautiful that you’re discovering your own interest, David.

David: Thanks, Mrs. Pine.

Mrs. Obi: Okay, Linda Pine. Why don’t you take him?

Mrs. Pine: Excuse me?

Mr. Obi: David is your’s now.

Mrs. Obi: Yes. Since you think it’s so beautiful that he won’t be a doctor, he can be your son.

Mrs. Pine: Oh, I don’t think–

Mrs. Obi: Oh! She doesn’t think. Hah!

Mr. Obi: So, you also don’t want a son that’s not a doctor.

David: Ma and dad, I’m just not passionate about being a doctor.

Mrs. Obi: Okay. If you really don’t want to be a doctor… You have to!

Debbie: You guys haven’t even read any of his written yet.

Beck: Yes. David, maybe you can read one of your poems.

David: Sure, I’d be happy to. [stands up] This poem, I won an award for. It’s called ‘My sorrow’. [opens a sheet of paper and starts reading]

I wake up and my emotions are as blue as blue paint

[he sits down]

Mrs. Pine: That’s it?

David: Yes.

Mr. Pine: You know, ain’t nothing wrong with being a doctor, David.
Mrs. Pine: Yeah.

Debbie: How about a toast? Here’s to Nick and David. To promising young artists.

[Mrs. Obi and Mr. Obi are also raising their glasses, but they’re very pissed off. They break their glasses.]

Mr. Obi: Oh, no. We are bleeding.

Mrs. Obi: Oh, is there a poet in the house? Someone call a poet!

Mr. Obi: Call a poet!

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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