Mr. K…Mikey Day
Mrs. K… Kate McKinnon
Steven… Daniel Kaluuya
Heidi Gardner
Mr. K: Well, great dinner, everybody.
Steven: Thanks for cooking again, Mrs. K.
Mrs. K: Well, thank you for bringing the wine. I love that it’s called Josh. It’s the nickname for wine.
Steven: Of course, ma’am. I’ve got to impress my girlfriend’s parents, right?
Mr. K: Oh, you always do. Well, you guys should head home or we could play a game.
Steven: I’ll be down to play a game.
Heidi: Yeah.
Mr. K: Okay. What do we have?
Mrs. K: We have Rummikub.
Steven: What’s a Rummikub?
Mrs. K: It combines elements of Mahjong and Rummi, and it’s really fun.
Heidi: Mom, that game is so boring. We’re never gonna wanna play that.
Mr. K: We got Scattergories.
Steven: I’m actually really good at that one. You guys bette watch out.
Heidi: That’s perfect.
Mrs. K: You know what? I might be too tired for a game other than Rummikub. I’m just going to clean up.
Mr. K: Okay.
Steven: Are you sure?
Mrs. K: Yeah. You got stuff to do. I got stuff to do. You guys have fun. [walks to the kitchen]
Mr. K: Okay. Well, we’re going to play. Okay, we are writing down words for each category that starts with– [rolling the die] You guys ready? ‘W’. And go.
[pots and pans clanging loudly]
You okay, hun?
Mrs. K: Me? Yeah, just cleaning up.
[pots and pans clanging loudly]
Steven: Is she alright?
Heidi: Yes, she said she’s fine. Oh, man. W is hard.
[pots and pans clanging loudly]
Steven: Do you want some help?
Mrs. K: No. I’m fine.
Heidi: Time is almost up.
[Mrs. K is banging the dishwasher]
Mr. K: I’m trying to find the last couple of answers.
Heidi: It’s not latching.
Mr. K: My love?
Steven: And time!
Heidi: Mom, are you okay? Do you not want us to play this/
Mrs. K: No, I’m good. Just doing my thing.
Heidi: Okay, because the dishes are a little loud.
Mrs. K: Oh, well, I’m sorry. I’m do something else. No problem.
Heidi: Okay. Thanks, mom.
Mr. K: Thanks, hun.
Steven: What what do you guys have? Things in the sky? I had–
[Heidi turns on the vacuum cleaner. It’s very loud.]
I had weather.
Heidi: That’s good. I had ‘wet balloon’. It doesn’t count, right?
Mr. K: I had ‘Whooshing wind.’ Honey, why are you doing that?
Mrs. K: I saw sesame seed. They’re toxic to dogs.
Mr. K: Yeah. We don’t have a dog.
Mrs. K: Well, and this is why.
[turns off the vacuum cleaner]
Heidi: Mom, are you sure you don’t want to play with us? It’s fun. The category is ‘things in the sky’.
Mrs. K: Okay, birds.
Heidi: Oh, well, it has to be with ‘w’.
Mrs. K: [annoyed] I wasn’t told that.
Steven: Because the die said ‘w’.
Mrs. K: Are you done with that glass? [the glasses are full with wine, but she takes them all anyway]
Steven: Not really. But that’s fine.
Mr. K: Let’s do a new round. Get a new list. [Mrs. K starts drinking everybody’s drinks.] New letter is ‘m’. And go!
[Mrs. K turns on music very loud. She’s wearing a headphone.]
Steven: What song is this, Mrs. K?
Mrs. K: Oh, you can hear that? I’m wearing a headphone.
Heidi: Yeah, but you’re playing it from the speaker.
Mrs. K: Okay. Sorry about that.
Heidi: No problem.
[phone ringing]
Mrs. K: Oh! Sorry, I have to get this. This is important. [Mrs. K walks near everyone else in purpose answering the phone] Hello. Um-hmm. And how long does that offer last? And the figures in would arrive when? That’s a lot to think about. I will be in touch. Thanks. Goodbye. [hangs up the phone]
Heidi: Mom, this one’s easier if you want to try. It’s foods for lunch.
Mrs. K: Okay. Wonderbread.
Heidi: The letter is M now. [Mrs. K is angrier] But that was a really good answer.
[Mrs. K turns on the disposal. It’s very loud.]
Mr. K: What are you putting in the disposal, huh?
Mrs. K: Just pictures. [Mrs. K’s putting her family pictures into the disposal.]
Heidi: Okay, mom, what’s going on? Are you upset? Do you want to play something else?
Mrs. K: You know what I wanted to play.
Mr. K: Rummikub?
Mrs. K: Yes! Rummikub. Always Rummikub.
Mr. K: Sorry, hun. It just seemed like more people wanted to play Scattergories.
Mrs. K: None of you like what I like. Last year on my birthday, we watched Deadpool. You think I liked that? I have been trying to get you to sit here and watch ‘Chocolat’ since we bought this house.
Heidi: Oh, Steven and I just watched that.
Mrs. K: Oh my god!
Heidi: Sorry.
Mrs. K: I fed your snake ‘Feedle’ mice for 10 years after you went to college. I would go to ‘Petco’ and they would say, “The usual” and I would say, “Yes. Dead mice bag, please.” And you can’t even play a single fgame of Rummikub?
Steven: You had a snake?
Heidi: I did. Okay, mom, do you want to play Rummikub now?
Mrs. K: NO! Wait, yes. Wait, no. I’m drunk. Ah! I’m sorry, I think had too much Josh.
[cut to the commercial. There’s Josh wine and there’s Rummikub.]
Male voice: Josh wine, the official wine of Rummikub.
