D’ennis… Kenan Thompson
Aristotle Athari[Starts with Kim Kardashian getting touch up for her commercial shoot]
Kim Kardashian: I’m Kim Kardashian West. I’m a mother, millionaire, law student and billionaire. I’m also the proud owner of Skims shape wear products. Skims is giving comfort and support to millions of women of all shapes and sizes. But we’re just getting started. Introducing new Skims shape wear for thick dogs. The only product on the market that will comfortably accentuate your dog’s curves, no matter how thick that butt.[D’ennis walks in]
D’ennis: Hi. I’m D’ennis, hair designer at Skims for thick dogs. And this is my dog Dilicious. [There’s a dog that looks crooked] As you can see, she ain’t no toothpick. Home girl got a badonk like her daddy. Making it almost impossible to find clothes for her until now. [someone passes him his dog wearing Skims] Now she looks so good, I can’t believe she’s still with me.
Kim Kardashian: but don’t just take our word for it.
Heidi: As a dog owner, I was amazed at the wide selection of fashionable looks for tiny skinny dogs. But full figured dogs need a way to show what they’re working with too. Thanks Skims.[Cut to Sarah with her dog wearing Skims]
Sarah: All the other dogs used to pay no attention to my thick dog. But now with Skims we can’t walk down the street without rockets popping out.[Cut to Melissa with her dog]
Melissa: My god used to be ashamed of how she looked. But Skims gave her confidence. And now, she’s dating Scott Disick.[Cut to Aristotle wearing weird shirt]
Aristotle: Wait, these are for dogs?
Kim Kardashian: They sure are. And Skims for thick dogs come in all the classic Skims colors.
D’ennis: Like beige, brown, and that’s it.
Kim Kardashian: Now, every dog can be a designer dog with Skims for thick dogs.
D’ennis: And they only take like, 90 minutes to put on.
Kim Kardashian: And I know what you’re thinking. Did we make holes where the poop comes out?
D’ennis: And the answer is obviously no. That is gross. Get your mouth out the gutter.
Kim Kardashian: So, stop wasting all your money in getting cosmetic surgery on your dog and just get Skims.
D’ennis: And turn your good girl into a bad bitch.
Male voice: New Skims for thick ass dogs. Looks so good, you’ll be saying, “Damn! Am I really thinking this about a dog right now?”