Super Bowl Pod

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Heidi Gardner

Shel… Kyle Mooney

Brandon… Dan Levy

Dale… Beck Bennett

Chris Redd

Anthony Fauci… Kate McKinnon

PSY… Bowen Yang

[Starts with five friends getting ready to watch football in home. They’re all wearing masks.]

Heidi: It’s so good to see everyone.

Shel: I can’t believe we’re having a Super Bowl party.

Brandon: I know. Is this okay? Like, should we be doing this?

Dale: Well, I’ve been super safe.

Chris: Same here.

Shel: Me too.

Dale: So then, masks off?

[they all take their masks off]

Brandon: God, I feel so free.

Shel: We’ve all been so good. We deserve this.

Dale: Totally. We have. And full disclosure, not a big deal, Angie and I went to PF chains for her birthday. We ate outdoors. Relax.

Shel: That’s cool.

Brandon: You’re fine.

Chris: Man, I’ve been crazy with this covid stuff. I haven’t left my house at all. I mean, I have been to the grocery store and the laundromat.

Brandon: Yeah, of course. Food, clothes.

Chris: And obviously I’m still doing my wrestling club, so…

Dale: Yeah. But that’s just a group of what? 20-30 really nice guys?

Shel: Wrestling a few nights guys, dude, you’re good.

Heidi: Yeah. I mean, we’re doing everything right.

Dale: Exactly. I haven’t hung out with anyone outside of my pod in almost a year.

Brandon: Oh my gosh, I feel you. I’m on quarantine burnout.

Dale: Yeah. It’s just me, my wife, my brother… his wife, obviously their neighbor, his brother, my grandparents and their nursing home. Oh, and I go into work.

Brandon: Sorry. What is it that you do again?

Dale: I’m a mouth masseuse. I massage mouths.

Shel: Oh, that’s fine. I mean, you’re not kissing them, right?

Dale: Just hello and goodbye. And sometimes while I massage them.

Brandon: Yeah, but that’s work. We are doing everything right.

Heidi: Yeah. I don’t understand how people are still getting sick.

Chris: Well see, the problem is they’re going out and doing normal activities like seeing friends and stuff.

All: So stupid.

Brandon: So disgusting. What about you, Shel? Single guy over there? You look lonely and depressed.

Shel: Absolutely. Of course, now it’s all about zoom dating. For me, it’s just too awkward. So, I’ve been having raw dog sex with the strangers in the park.

Heidi: Outside with air, you’re fine.

Brandon: Yeah. For me, it’s just been Netflix, Netflix and more Netflix.

Chris: What have you been watching?

Brandon: Oh, no. For meetings, I’m flying all over LA, London, Brazil.

Shel: Well, you got the vaccine, didn’t you?

Brandon: Oh, yeah. Actually, I’ve got it. I’ve got it right here. [showing the vaccine in it’s small container]

Heidi: Are you gonna take it?

Brandon: Yeah. I mean, I take it everywhere I go.

Shel: Great thinking, Brandon.

Chris: Hey, we’re doing everything right.

Dale: Who’s hungry for my famous chilly? [everybody get excited] Because of covid, I don’t want to share utensils.

Brandon: Totally. Let’s be smart. Actually, I have some– Let’s just do this.

[Brandon sprays sanitizer on everyone’s hands. Then they all start eating with their hands sharing the food bowl.]

Heidi: Oh, look who became a chef. Yeah. I went viral on TikTok.

Chris: What? For dancing?

Heidi: No. For fit non-pudding.

Dale: Oh, TikTok. All the little videos.

Heidi: Dale. Did you spice this chilly?

Dale: Yeah, of course. It’s my famous chilly.

Heidi: Because I can’t really taste it.

Brandon: I can’t really smell it either.

Chris: Do you guys think that–

Shel: No. Dude, we’ve been doing everything right.

Heidi: We need a hug.

All: Yeah.

Dale: Hey, remember hug?

[they all hug each other.] [the lights turn dark. Anthony Fauci walks in front of them at the spot light.]

Anthony Fauci: Hi, I’m Dr. Fauci. Right now you’re probably feeling like most Americans. Bored, horny and borderline nuts. I know I am. But what you just saw is the wrong way to Super Bowl. That’s why I partnered with Cheetos and durex condoms to remind you to Super Bowl responsibly. At home, in a mask, lights off, no friends.  #ThisIsHowWeSuperBowl. [PSY walks in] And to help spread my messages, my good friend Kpop superstar PSY.

PSY: Covid Super Bowl

[starts singing like his song “Gangnam Style]

Co-co-co-co-covid Super Bowl

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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