The Christmas Socks

[Starts with Paul Rudd in SNL stage]

Paul Rudd: You know, Christmas is a time of charity and giving. And that was the inspiration for this next music video, which I shot yesterday morning, with Kyle Mooney, Aidy Bryant, Heidi Gardner, Kenan Thompson, Alex Moffat, and what should have been tonight’s musical guests Charlie XCX. It’s a heartfelt Christmas song about a magical moment between a boy and a strange man at a department store. Enjoy.

[Cut to the music video]

Paul Rudd: [singing] It was almost Christmas Day
there I stood in line to pay
at the big department store
Christmas time’s become a chore
standing right in front of me
six year old waiting nervously
when I saw him I was shocked
in his hands he held a pair of socks.

Kyle Mooney: I said I want to buy these socks
for my dear old mom
it’s Christmas and they’d be the perfect socks
it’s been a real tough year
see we got a bird
and it looks as if the bird has flown away

[the boy pays with a coins]

Paul Rudd: The boy was low on cash
so I helped him out
but then I had ask about this bird
tell me about the bird
did it say any words
or was it just one of those quiet birds?

Kyle Mooney: I guess I’d say quiet bird
never heard a word
just a bird that we got at the store

Paul Rudd: Well, I once had a bird
it never squawk to said hello
to me that’s kind of a waste of a bird

Kenan Thompson: [as a storekeeper] Hey, I’m sorry guys
but there’s a big old line
can you please give me the money for the socks?

Paul Rudd: Oh, hey, that’s my bad
go ahead, little boy
buy your mom these perfect
but wait before you do
a quick question for you
did you have a name for your bird?

Kyle Mooney: Great question, sir
we had a name for our bird
and that name was TJ Rocks

Paul Rud: TJ Rocks
that’s an interesting name
sounds like she was one of a kind

Heidi Gardner: [angry in line] I’m sorry. Can you move this conversation someplace else?

Alex Moffat: Yeah. Is he gonna pay for the Christmas socks?

Kyle Mooney: Oh, yeah. [he pays the bill.] [suddenly Aidy Bryant walks in]

Aidy Bryant: There you are my son
I’ve been looking for you
I have some news about TJ Rocks

Kyle Mooney: Is it good news or bad?
what would you say it like that?
Tell me what is up with TJ rocks?

Paul Rud: I’d like to know too
Hi, I haven’t met you
I am friends with your son

Aidy Bryant: Well, I don’t like that
but back to the news
TJ Rocks is back and started a band

[Charli XCX in a bird costume singing]

TJ Rocks: I am TJ Rocks

Paul Rudd: So, she does talk.

TJ Rocks: These are the Junk Yard Boys [the band] and we would like to play a song for you
two, three, four
I took a bus to the lay and a gock with the Junk Yard Boys

Band: TJ Rocks, TJ Rocks,

TJ Rocks: We got rich and famous,
we would wanna spend Christmas with you.

[everybody is clapping]

Kyle Mooney: TJ, you’re back.

TJ Rocks: I love you, little boy.

Kyle Mooney: [giving his mom the socks] Merry Christmas, Mom.

Aidy Bryant: Oh, sweetie.

Paul Rudd: One more thing. Will you marry me?

Aidy Bryant: Of course.

Paul Rudd and Kyle Mooney: That’s the story of Christmas socks.


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