Kim Kardashian West
Aidy Bryant
[Starts with Kim Kardashian and Aidy Bryant having a conversation in the studio]Aidy Bryant: Kim, it’s so fun having you here.
Kim Kardashian: Aw, Aidy, I’m having so much fun too.
Aidy Bryant: I mean, your life seems so exciting. Like, jets and sisters and underpants company. [Kim Kardashian is sobbing] Oh, Kim, are you crying?
Kim Kardashian: A little. I’m just so busy all the time. I just want one normal boring day. Kind of like the day you have everyday.
Aidy Bryant: Ouch. But it’s true. I mean, I kind of wish we could just switch places.
Kim Kardashian: Well, I do have this magic clock.
[Kim Kardashian shows her the magic clock]Aidy Bryant: Wait a minute. You wanna use this clock’s dark magic to switch places for 24 hours without anyone knowing? Okay, bitch.
Both: Tick-tock one and tick-tock two, you are me and I am you for one day.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant walking out of the limousine as Kim Kardashian. Paparazzi is following her.]Reporter: Kim, who are you wearing?
Aidy Bryant: Um, a bunch of clothes.
Reporter: Are you ready to take the bar exam?
Aidy Bryant: Wait, what?
[James Austin Johnson walks to Kim Kardashian]3: Hey, Aidy.
Kim Kardashian: Yes, I’m Aidy.
3: I was thinking in “The Office” sketch, we’re gonna have you play Paula Deen, and you’ll do a little racist dance. Do you like that?
Kim Kardashian: Yeah. Seems like I would say yes.
[Aidy Bryant is in a photoshoot]Photographer: Yes, you’re looking great, Kim. Do you have a few more in you?
Aidy Bryant: Yeah. Maybe get the whole body?
Photographer: [talking to his assistant] Hey, yesterday did she have that massive bush?
Aidy Bryant: All men want a piece of this. Natural sex.
[Kim Kardashian opens Aidy Bryant’s desk and finds a sunscreen]Kim Kardashian: Medical grade sunscreen. Aw, it’s like chowder.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant in Kim Kardashian’s Instagram story]Aidy Bryant: Hey guys, I just wanted to show you that I’m wearing, like, a little brown bra, and, um, it feels really cool, really different than my usual very firm girdle. So yeah, I think I pretty much decided I’m gonna stay like this forever. Like, I’m not gonna do, like, the clock stuff again, ever.
Kim Kardashian: [on the phone] Hi, I’m trying to reach Kim Kardashian. It’s urgent.
Female voice: Okay. Can I ask who is calling?
Kim Kardashian: This is Aidy Bryant.
Female voice: Oh, then no.
[hangs up]Kim Kardashian: Where the [bleep] is that clock?
[a guy walks in]Guy: What clock?
Kim Kardashian: Who are you?
Guy: Your husband.
[Aidy Bryant is with Kris Jenner and Khloe Kardashian.]Aidy Bryant: Oh man, I really love my new family. I always wanted to have like, a famous sister and a famous mom.
Kris: Oh, Kim, you’re being so funny today.
Khloe: And these drinks you made, what are they called again?
Aidy Bryant: Milkshakes. Yeah, so basically it’s like, ice-cream in a cup that you can drink with the meal, like, a burger or whatever.
Khloe: Love you, girl.
Aidy Bryant: Hey, is there any cash that’s just like, around maybe I could like, have?
Kris: I have some cash right here. What do you need, honey?
[Kris hands over Aidy Bryant stacks of cash]Aidy Bryant: Oh, mom!
[Kim Kardashian storms in]Kim Kardashian: I need my life back! Where’s that clock?
Khloe: Who is this?
Aidy Bryant: Ew, I don’t know. But you have to go. There’s no clocks in here.
Kim Kardashian: I know it’s here. Give it to me.
Aidy Bryant: Go back to Arizona you stupid lizard trash.
[Kris shows the clock]Kris: Do you mean this clock?
Aidy Bryant: No!
[Kim Kardashian and Aidy Bryant both run to get the clock, but as they’re put their hands on the clock at the same time, they turn back into their real selves.]Kim Kardashian: Thank god I’m back to being Kim.
Khloe: Good. You know what? I knew something was off.
[Now Kris and Aidy are changed]Aidy Bryant: Clearly, my daughters. Hey, let’s get this bitch out.
Kris: I’m not Aidy. It’s me. It’s mom! I’m Kris.
Aidy Bryant: Yeah, they all say that. Send her to jail.
[Two policemen come and arrest Kris]Kris: No. You got the wrong girl.
Kim Kardashian: Thanks mom. Argh, I can’t believe I slept with Aidy’s husband.
Kris: What? Damn!