Bertie… Mikey Day
Mary.. Carey Mulligan[Starts with channel show schedule]
Male voice: You’re watching the History channel. At 10, it’s “All dogs go to hell: Hitler’s hounds in color”. But first, it’s “The war in words: Letters from the line.”[Cut to intro]
Male voice: The letters from Lieutenant Bertie Pembrook of the royal Navy and his wife, Mary, 1943.[Cut to Bertie write a letter’]
Bertie: My dearest Mary. The sea is quiet today. The German U-boat attacks have seized for now. [cut to Mary reading the letter] My thoughts drift as they often do to you, my dear wife. Tell me, love. Do you think of me? Your adoring husband, Bertie.[Mary writing the letter]
Mary: Dear Bertie, yes. Love, Mary.[Cut to Bertie reading the letter and looking over if theres anything else written.]
Bertie: [writing the letter] Dearest Mary, i was thrilled to receive your letter. But alas, it was over so quickly. Your words do much to brighten my spirit, so tell me an amusing story or perhaps, a joke. Your’s, Bertie.[Cut to Mary writing the letter]
Mary: Dear Bertie. Knock-knock. Love, Mary.[Cut to Bertie writing the letter]
Bertie: Dear Mary, I fear the knock-knock joke structure does not lend itself to letters. Instead, and I hope I’m not being too forward, would you send me something a bit naughty? It is lonely at sea. Your blushing Bertie.
Mary: Bertie, you rascal. I shall do as you say and send along something naughty. But you better not pass it around your friends, dirty boy. Your naughty wife, Mary.[Cut to Bertie writing the letter]
Bertie: Mary! You have sent me cocaine! When I said naughty, I meant a racy photo, not an illegal narcotic. But I have bigger worries. Last night, my dear friend Steven was shot and died in my arms. Saddened at sea, Bertie.[Cut to Mary writing the letter]
Mary: Bertie, don’t panic. As long as nobody saw you kill him, they can’t prove it was you. Trust me, I’ve been dow this road before. Love, Mary.[Cut to Bertie writing the letter]
Bertie: My love, I did not kill Steven. It was the Nazis, obviously. And what do you men you’ve been down this road before? Have you been involved in a murder? Concerned, Bertie.[Cut to Mary writing the letter]
Mary: Bertie, no. Wink-wink. But smart movie blaming at Nazi. People don’t seem to like them much, even though the ones I met at dinner the other night were lovely. Yours, Mary.[Cut to Bertie writing the letter]
Bertie: Mary! You had dinner with the Nazis the other night? How? Why? details please. Alarmed in the Atlantic, Bertie.
Mary: Bertie, oh you know me, always making new friends. By the way, I went to visit your parents the other day enclosing the photo of the three of us. With love, Mary.[Cut to Bertie writing the letter]
Bertie: Dear god, Mary. What happened to my parents? [the picture she sent was a photo of her and tombstones] This is a photo of you in a graveyard. Why did you not tell me they passed away? Worried on the waves, Bertie.[Cut to Mary writing the letter] Mary: Bertie, I wanted to tell you in person, but you’ve been off with your friends. [Cut to Bertie writing the letter]
Bertie: I’ve been at war![Cut to Mary writing the letter]
Mary: But good news, as you know by now, Germany surrendered. I was visiting my sister in New York when we heard. We took to the streets to celebrate. A photo of me has been wound up on a magazine. Enclosing a copy along with a little gift. Your covergirl, Mary.[Cut to Mary writing the letter]
Bertie: Mary, stop sending me cocaine. And as for the magazine, who the hell are you kissing? [opens the cocaine packet] Alright, you know what? I’m actually going to do this.
Male voice: This has been, “The war in words”