Bowen Yang[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Across the country, rallies are being held to condemn the rise of anti-asian hate crimes. Here to share resources on how you can help is asian cast member, Bowen Yang.[Bowen Yang slides in] [cheers and applause]
Bowen Yang: Hi. Wait, is that my official title? Asian cast member?
Colin Jost: That’s how you told me to introduce you.
Bowen Yang: Yeah, I set your ass up. Feels good. Hi, everyone. So, things for asians in this country have been bleak for the past two weeks and all weeks before that since forever. But there’s a lot of work to do and I found some posts online with action items everyone can take to help.
Colin Jost: Oh, right. I’ve seen those on Instagram, like, list of places to donate to?
Bowen Yang: Yes. And here are some that I found super helpful. “Six ways you can check in on your AAPI friends and tell them they’re so hot.”
Colin Jost: Is that real?
Bowen Yang: Yes. Um, guess people just want to help us anyway they can. Here’s a list of something I’ve seen a lot of activists post. “Amplify these asian voices who want more Paneras in north Brooklyn.”
Colin Jost: That’s really something that asian communities are concerned about?
Bowen Yang: Yeah, it is for the ones in my neighborhood. Okay, fine. Here’s something that we can all do. “Call your senators and demand that they know about the lesbian characters in Sailor Moon!”
Colin Jost: Bowen, no offense but this is actually helpful to all asians?
Bowen Yang: Ugh. Maybe. I don’t know, Colin. Okay? Maybe. What could I say to help how insanely bad things are. If someone’s personality is ‘punch an asian grandma’, it’s not a dialog. I have an asian grandma, you wanna punch her. There ain’t no common ground, mama.
Colin Jost: Yeah, that’s tough.
Bowen Yang: I mean, I see my friends donating and I tell them that’s great. But then I also tell them do more. Like, okay, you’re ordering from some Chinese restaurants, great. Do more. Let me know when you feed your white kids chicken feet. You cried during Minari? Congratulations. I was sobbing into my boner for Steven Yan. Do more. Why are you telling me that you tipped your manicurist well? Let me know when you get on your knees and scrub her feet while she looks at your phone. Do more.
Colin Jost: You’re right. I should do that.
Bowen Yang: Yeah. You should, specifically. I can’t address any of this without bringing class or gender or imperialism. I don’t even want to be doing this Update piece. I wanted to do my character – gay passover bunny. But it’s too smart for the show.
Colin Jost: It’s too smart? It was 20 minutes long.
Bowen Yang: Whatever. You’re scared. I’m just a comedian. I don’t have the answers. But I’m not just looking for them online. I’m looking around me. The GoFundMe for Xiao Zhen Xie, the grandmother who fought back against her attacker raised $900,000 which she immediately gave back to the community. That’s where we are as asians. Now, come meet us there. In Mandarin there is a cheer goes – “Chya Yo”, which basically means fuel up. I don’t know what’s helpful to say to everyone, but that’s what I say to myself. Fuel up. Do more. It’s the year of the metal ox, which basically means a car. So everyone, get in, buckle up. It’s no pee breaks. We ride at dawn, grandmas.
Colin Jost: Bowen Yang, everyone. For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.
Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight.