Tom Brady… Beck Bennett[Starts with Michael che in his set]
Michael che: This week the Tampa Bay Buccaneers beat the Kansas city Chiefs and became Super Bowl champions. Tom Brady won his 7th Super Bowl and took on his fifth Super Bowl MVP award. Needless to say he’s been having a good time celebrating. Here to comment is drunk Tom Brady.[Tom Brady slides in]
Tom Brady: Brady! Brady! Brady! What’s up, Michael? Seven Super Bowl. What? That’s insane.
Michael che: Wow, you seem to be having a good time. This is a new side of Tom Brady.
Tom Brady: Dud! It’s coz I’ve been Tampin out. I’m a Florida, baby. Yeah. They got boat parades in water and sunshine and girls wearing these little bikinis. I’m not stuck in a freezer cold in Boston with the pilgrims and old man Belichick. Hear that, Bill? You’re not my dad anymore.
Michael che: You alright, Tom?
Tom Brady: Oh yeah, man. Life’s good. I’m my own man now. I’m free to go day drinking on my new boat and toss the lombardi trophy around without a care in the world.
Michael che: Yeah. I saw you throwing the Super Bowl trophy from one boat to another.
Tom Brady: Oh, yeah. That was awesome. I’ve been bringing this bad boy around me pretty much everywhere. [pulls out the trophy. The trophy is worn and torn.] Yeah, this is a little banged up but she still works. [opens a beer bottle with the trophy] Like that. Oops. Ha-ha-ha. It works so it cracked it right open. This stuff is good. I’m finally going around with thsi stuff.
Michael che: There may be some glass in there.
Tom Brady: Yeah, maybe. If you were surprised I would toss this bad boy around, but the trophy has got a football on it. And I’m a quarterback. So, it makes sense. Ha-ha. What else am I going to do? Punt it?
Michael che: Yeah. I don’t know bout that.
Tom Brady: Another trophy.
Michael che: Are you alright, Tom?
Tom Brady: I don’t know. I just won the Super Bowl. Probably going to win another one next year too. My problem is nobody likes me.
Michael che: No. Tom, man.
Tom Brady: I don’t know what I did so wrong. All I did was go out and win Super Bowl. I keep thinking that maybe one more trophy and people are gonna like me. No. Don’t talk about the wins. They just talk about how I kiss my son.
Michael che: Hey, look man, I get it. You know. You’ve had a lot of haters but don’t let them bring you down.
Tom Brady: Dude, I’m messing with you, Che. Ha-ha-ha. I don’t care. People can say whatever they want. I’m the best damn quarterback ever. I feel great. My wife is just Gisele. I only feel good.
Michael che: Drunk Tom Brady, everybody. For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.