Michael Che
Ice Cube… Kenan Thompson
[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Last week Ice Cube left the upcoming film, “Oh Hell No” after he declined to get the COVID vaccine. Here to comment is Ice Cube.
[Ice Cube slides in]
Ice Cube: Sup, Michael? You know what I’m saying? I’m going through a gangster lumberjack fakes.
Michael Che: I can tell. So, why won’t you get the vaccine, man?
Ice Cube: Hey, Look man, I just rather be myself then take that vaccine like you other 3 billion bozos. T
Michael Che: Yeah, but that’s why you lost this movie.
Ice Cube: Not my loss. Your loss. “Oh Hell No” was going to feature the greatest comedy duo of all time. IceCube, Jack Black. The comedy chemistry crack off, man. You know what I’m saying? Tried to get a catchphrase though.
Michael Che: Oh, hell no?
Ice Cube: That’s actually correct. But because it is crazy vaccine mandate, y’all like never gonna get to hear it.
Michael Che: Unless they replace you.
Ice Cube: Oh, hell nah, man. Who can replace Ice Cube?
Michael Che: I don’t know. Terry Crews?
Ice Cube: Good choice.
Michael Che: Michael B. Jordan.
Ice Cube: Makes even more sense. Hey, the point is this mandate is costing the world my art. I had a bunch of other projects packed into pipe. Check it out bozo. If you like “Barbershop 3: The Next Cut”, you would love the sequel, “Barbershop 4, Just A Little Off The Sides”. But now we can’t make it. Also we don’t make a prequel to the original Friday movie. You’ll never guess what it was called?
Michael Che: Thursday?
Ice Cube: That’s correct again. I was also gonna start a new M. Night Shyamalan movie called “Uh Oh, Twist Comin”. The twist is there ain’t no twist. Everybody went home and the day was a good day.
Michael Che: Cube, if you want to make these movies so bad, why don’t just get vaccinated?
Ice Cube: The better question is, why won’t y’all let me make my favorite project? Featuring the greatest dramatic duo of all time, Ice Cube, Meryl Streep? Eating octopus and traits and all over Mykonos in “Mamma Mia Cubed”. Both of us rockin white linen pants suits, no drawers.
Michael Che: No Drawers? how many movies were you making?
Ice Cube: Enough! That’s just the tip of the bird, bozo. And on top of all of that, now I got to run my Big Three basketball league from home.
Michael Che: Right. That’s the league you created for retired players.
Ice Cube: Yeah, man. And now I can’t go to the games. It’s not the same if you not court side, hearing them knees creek and them backs crack. I mean, where else could you watch a bunch of ballers on the wrong side of 40 play unlikely competitive game or 303?
Michael Che: At any YMCA?
Ice Cube: Indeed, you could. Indeed, you could.
Michael Che: Cube, just answer the question. Why won’t you get vaccinated?
Ice Cube: A bozo. I don’t have to tell anybody about my private medical decisions.
Michael Che: So, you’re afraid of needles, huh?
Ice Cube: Hell, yeah. They scare me.
Michael Che: Ice Cube, everyone. Just say that.
Such a well-structured and engaging article. Thank you!