Michael Che
Jessie Raunch… Heidi Gardner
[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: With many New Yorkers still out of work, it’s more important than ever to provide accessible food to those in need. Here to talk about her mutual aid organization that delivers hot meals to families is Program Director, Jessie Raunch.
[Jessie Raunch slides in. She is wearing dirty clothes.]
Jessie Raunch: Hey! Hi, Michael. Thank you so much for having me.
Michael Che: Yeah, thanks for being here, Jessie.
Jessie Raunch: Yeah. It means everything to community horizons to have this platform to speak about food and security. This is cool.
Michael Che: Yeah, great. Why are you wearing this costume.
Jessie Raunch: Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m still on my work clothes. I came straight from there. We feed 400-500 families every week and this week was barbecue, hence all the char. So, sorry.
Michael Che: Oh, no. I’m sorry because it’s just that sweater and that hat combination looks exactly like Freddy Krueger.
Jessie Raunch: Oh, wow. Yeah. That did not cross my mind. Oh yeah, no. This is my dad’s chapeau. He dedicated his life to service. So, I always wear it. This is cool being here.
Michael Che: So, you just show up at people’s houses dressed like this? Aren’t they scared?
Jessie Raunch: What? No. They’re thankful. I mean, every once in a while, some parents say, “Oh, hell no”, and slam the door. But, you know, that’s just pride talking.
Michael Che: Yeah, I don’t think it’s pride. I think they think you’re Freddy Krueger.
Jessie Raunch: [laughing] Michael, I’m telling you, I couldn’t be more different than Freddy Krueger. I work in the community. I’m a part of kid’s dreams.
Michael Che: Okay. That’s what Freddy does. He infiltrates their dreams.
Jessie Raunch: No, Michael. They all know Ms. Jessie song.
[singing] One, two, bread’s coming for you
three, four, better open your door
five, six, I got checks mix
Michael Che: Yeah, that’s exactly what Freddy sings.
Jessie Raunch: What’s your angle, man? Are you, like, embarrassed for white girl? Because you brought up my clothes so many times at this point. I’m sorry that they’re bad to you.
Michael Che: Well, I didn’t say they were bad. They’re just a little scary.
Jessie Raunch: Why are they scary?
[when Jessie Raunch raises her hand, she has long scary claw that have knife nails]
Michael Che: Whoa! Why are you wearing those gloves?
Jessie Raunch: My work gloves? To chop meat, okay? I told you it was barbecue day and I’ve gotta be able to sever a hog swiftly and effectively.
Michael Che: That’s absolutely terrifying.
Jessie Raunch: You know what? Seriously, you know what? [pointing at Michael Che with the knife nail]
Michael Che: Stop pointing that at me.
Jessie Raunch: You know what? I’m proud to be someone who looks like they work at community horizons. And today, I was exhausted and I was covered in blood. But you know what? I looked out over all of our barbecue man, and I said, “How sweet, fresh meat.”
Michael Che: That’s the most famous Freddy Krueger quote.
Jessie Raunch: I’m gonna kill you, Michael.
Michael Che: Jessie Raunch, everybody.
Jessie Raunch: Hey, remember to wear a mask. [showing Jason’s mask]
Michael Che: For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.
