Weekend Update- Liz Cheney on the Republican Party

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Colin Jost

Liz Chaney… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Well, Liz Cheney lost her leadership position this week for criticizing Trump. Here to comment is Liz Chaney.

[Liz Chaney slides in]

Liz Chaney: Hello. Hi, everyone.

Colin Jost: Thank you for being here. It’s been quite a week for you.

Liz Chaney: That’s right. I was kicked out of the republican party. I fell down to hell like Lil Nas X. I cracked with the devil and bounced back up on to MSNBC. Colin, the republican party is changing. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I did wrong. Look at me, I am everything a conservative woman is supposed to be. Blonde, mean…

Colin Jost: And?

Liz Chaney: I was done. And Colin, it’s going to be okay because people are on my side. Brave republicans ready to speak to truth and start a movement. And there are more of us than you think.

Colin Jost: Oh, really? Like, who?

Liz Chaney: It’s me, Adam Kinzinger, Chris Wallace, Dick Chaney, and Romney, her horses, Colin Jost… fingers crossed.

Colin Jost: I’m sorry, I’m not joining.

Liz Chaney: Are you sure? George Conway, Nancy Regan’s ghost, Meghan McCain… is not in, but I’m working on her. It’s Jared–

Colin Jost: Kushner?

Liz Chaney: No, Subway. Colin, this is the grand implosion of Trumpism. You don’t even know the size of the tsunami that’s coming. We’re talking me, Omorosa, five white women, maybe six. Have I said me?

Colin Jost: Yes. Several times.

Liz Chaney: I know, Colin. I know. It’s not great. Conservatives are leaving me high and dry. And what more can I do for you people? I oppose gay marriage even though my own sister is a les. I even tried to take away protections for gray bulls. If gay marriage is number one for lesbians, wolf rescue is number two. I shoot buffalo in the ass. And I am not conservative enough? To borrow a line, I’m sure Colin uses a lot, “Do you know who my father is?”

Colin Jost: I’ve never said that.

Liz Chaney: Republicans, I’m trying to save you. You’re like horses who won’t leave a burning barn. You’re gonna die. Accept the help. Trump lost… to my chagrin. I voted for him. I loved him like a straight sister. But he lost. And he incited a riot and that’s the truth. And I will do everything in my power to keep him from becoming president again.

Colin Jost: Great. And what is that?

Liz Chaney: It’s going to be me, Lisa Murkowski’s mom–

Colin Jost: Liz Chaney, everyone.

Liz Chaney: And Melania. This is her idea. She needs this.

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