Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of Marilyn Manson at right top corner.]
Michael Che: A former personal assistant to Marilyn Manson has filed a law suit accusing him of sexual exploitation and psychological abuse. Wow. It’s always the guys you most expect.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of ‘Boom’ logo at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Startup airline Boom Supersonic is hoping to eventually fly passengers anywhere in the world in four hours or less for just $100. So, get ready to fly fast and cheap on the only airline named after the sound of an explosion.
[Picture changes to Barbie logo]
Mattel is releasing a Helen Keller doll barbie doll. Just remember not to let her drive the barbie corvette.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a train at right top corner.]
Michael Che: A conductor of a bullet train is facing disciplinary action after he left the controls to use the bathroom while the train was traveling at nearly 100 miles an hour. Brother, that chili was traveling at that same speed.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Scotland flag at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Residents of an apartment building in Scotland left a note in the elevator asking a resident who has extremely loud orgasm to be quieter. And it’s understandable because this is what a Scottish orgasm sounds like.
[Cut to a clip from a movie where a guy is yelling ‘Freedom’.]
Michael Che: That is so dumb. That is so dumb.
Colin Jost: That was so long.
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