Austin Butler Monologue


Austin Butler

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]
[Cut to SNL stage]
[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Austin Butler.

[Austin Butler walks in and to the stage]
[cheers and applause]

Austin Butler: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m so excited to be here hosting the SNL Christmas show. Now last year’s Christmas show was canceled because everyone got COVID. So this year we came up with a foolproof plan to ensure that no one would get COVID. We stopped testing.

I do want to address something. There’s there’s people out there who say that ever since I played Elvis, my voice has changed. That it got deeper. More Elvis-y. But that’s not true. I’ve always sounded like this and I can prove it. Here’s a clip from an interview I did 10 years ago.

[Cut to the invertivew]

Interviewer: How excited are you to be Sebastian on the Carrie Diary?

Austin Butler: [in helium voice] I’m really excited. It’s been a great experience so far.

[Cut back to Austin Butler on stage]

Austin Butler: You see? A lot of people don’t know that I’ve been acting since I was a kid. And even back then, I was always into really intense immersive acting. Like when I was 12, I would be doing a part on a Disney or Nickelodeon show. But meanwhile, I’d be studying Raging Bull or a Taxi Driver. So I’d be on set and I’d be like, “I didn’t screw your wife.” And director would be like, “Austin cut. Put down the knife. You’re scaring iCarly.”

And when I wasn’t acting, I was actually a really shy kid. You know, like really shy. But luckily my mom decided to homeschool me and my sister, so I was also weird. By the way, my sister is actually here tonight. Happy birthday Ashley.

We grew up in Anaheim, California, hence the southern accent. And since we were homeschooled, sometimes my mom would say we’re taking the day off. We’re going to Disneyland. We’d be so excited. And then by like the 9th time she did that, I was like, “I don’t think Mom knows how to teach.”

But I love my mom. Some of my favorite memories from growing up or she and I watching SNL together. We watched every week. And even though I had is crippling shyness when I was with her, I’d do anything to make my mom laugh. I’d make funny faces and voices. I’d even do this ridiculous Gollum impression. [Doing the Gollum impression] Man Loves the hobbitses.

My mom like all moms was a huge Gollum fan. Really, being silly with her is what broke me out of my shell. And it’s the core of what started me in acting. Now, my mom is no longer with this. But I’ve been thinking about her a lot this week, just imagining how proud she would be that her son who used to not even be able to order food for myself at a restaurant is now standing on this stage. [cheers and applause]

Tonight, just know that anytime you see me doing a silly voice or making a funny face, that’s for you, Ma.

We got a great show for you tonight. LIzzo is here. So stick around, we’ll be right back.

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