Bowen Yang
Jerrod Carmichael
Chloe Fineman
Chris Redd
Andrew Dismukes
Cara.. Heidi Gardner
[Starts with adults enjoying watching their babies]
Bowen: Cara, It’s so sweet. You got these onesies for all the kids.
Cara: You know he’s gonna be a heartbreaker just like his dad.
Chloe: Oh, look, they’re like a tiny little baby couple.
Chris: Or, not to assume. Maybe that’s weird for you guys.[Because Bowen and Jerrod are a gay couple] Sorry.
Bowen: No, we think it’s cute.
Female voice: You love seeing your little one as a future heartbreaker. But what if you don’t want to assume your baby’s going to be straight? Now you don’t have to. With the new “Born This Way” line from Osh Kosh F*Gosh. Your little Tyke will look adorable without being so exclusive. With sayings like “Future twink”, “Lil Lez”, “Messy DJ” and “In the closet because I can’t walk.”
Cara: Doesn’t he look great. I pray to God My son is gay.
Chris: I know. I would love that.
Female voice: Born This Way has designes your baby will love. Like wordplay.
Chloe: Rock-a-bi baby.
Cara: My mommy had a daddy.
Female voice: Political statemets.
Chris: I love milk… Harvey Milk. Rip.
Jerrod: Silence equals violence but crying equals hungry.
Bowe: Alexander Hamilton was a turf.
Female voice: And Butch.
Andrew: Aw, that is this? A tiny belt loop or a ring of keys? The slaves.
Chris: Some parents force their kids to wear a little sports jerseys. My son can be whoever he wants.
Jerrod: Imagine boxing a child into something that doesn’t feel right. I would hate that.
Cara: It’s so archaic to pierce your baby’s ears for baptism. Our kids will never have to confirm to something they don’t want. Thanks, Born This Way.
Chloe: Aw, it looks like they’re dating.
Andrew: Oh please, they’re not exclusive. You know how gay guys are.
Female voice: Born This Way, from Osh Kosh F*gosh. Oh relax, it’s not like they can read.