Brendan Gleeson Monologue


Brendan Gleeson

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Brendan Gleeson.

[Brendan Gleeson walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Brendan Gleeson: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hi, I’m Brendan Gleeson. If you don’t recognize the accent, I’m Irish. And if you don’t recognize the face, I am that fellow that you’ve seen and that thing that you can’t remember but you think you kind of liked. Yeah, that was me. Let me see. You probably have seen me and Bravehearts. [cheers and applause] Possibly seen me in Harry Potter. [cheers and applause] You definitely haven’t seen me in Joel Cohen’s black and white Macbeth, but you should check it out. I think it’s great. I’ll tell you, I’m not really used to telling jokes, so I thought I play a tune for you instead. Can I get my mandolin please? [Brendan Gleeson gets his mandolin] [cheers and applause] This is that this is the first tune I ever learned. It was made famous by a man called Barney McKenna.

[playing mandolin]

Bernie was the banjo player with the Dubliners. They were traveling to a very hot country one time. And Barney was told it would be 40 degrees in the shade, 104 degrees in the shade. I’ll tell you one thing he said, “I’m not going anywhere near the shade.”

You know, my family had that varying degrees of musicality. My lovely Auntie Nell, for example, she was famous because of her high nose could shatter glass. Allthe kids are terrified she’d burst into song at any moment. Especially the kids with glasses.

The father didn’t have a note. Well, he did. He had one note. But he had his own way of going on. When he was staying in our house, my son Fergus asked him, “Granddad, why do you comb your hair before you get into bed?” And my dad said, “Because you never know who you might meet in your dreams.”

Weird and wonderful. You know who else is weird and wonderful? Colin Farrell. We work together on “In Bruges”. We just got back together for a new film “The Banshees of Inner Sharon”. And funny enough, it’s about two fellas who fall out because one of them’s a little too needy. I mean, I love Colin to bits but the story is not too far from the truth.

[Colin Farrell walks in. He’s wearing thick fake moustache] [cheers and applause]

is that you Colin?

Colin Farrell: Yeah. Hey. No, Brandon. I was just passing.

Brendan Gleeson: Yeah, way.

Colin Farrell: Yeah, I was on the way from moustache shop. [pulls out his fake moustache] What are you doing here Brendan?

Brendan Gleeson: I’m hosting Saturday Night Live Colin.

Colin Farrell: Oh, then I just wanted to ask you a question.

Brendan Gleeson: Is it going to be a needy question?

Colin Farrell: No, a normal.

Brendan Gleeson: Ask away. So?

Colin Farrell: Who’s your most favorite co star you’ve ever worked with?

Brendan Gleeson: Paddington Bear.

[cheers and applause]

Colin Farrell: Okay, but who’s your favorite human co star who’s Irish and he’s about 46 and his name begins with C?

Brendan Gleeson: Cillian Murphy.

Colin Farrell: Yeah, you’re right. He’s quite good, actually.

Brendan Gleeson: Yeah. It’s fantastic to see you Colin. Would you like to sing a song?

Colin Farrell: You too, Brandan, I’d love to.

[starts playing mandolin]

Both: Blow that trumpet, ring that bell
gonna have a blast hosting SNL

[cheers and applause]

We got a great show for you tonight. Willow is here. So stick around, we’ll be right back.

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