David Pumpkins… Tom Hanks
The skeletons… Bobby Moynihan, Mikey Day[Starts with people waiting outside a door]
Ego: Finally, I can’t believe we had to wait an hour and a half for a stupid ride.
Andrew: I can. Cellblock 666 is supposed to be the scariest ride in Fright Nights history.
Jack: Yeah. There’s all these TikToks people passing out and puking and stuff. If I pass out, don’t help me. Film it. And post it. Please.[the door opens]
Kenan: Hello and hell-come to Cellblock 666 right this way.
Ego: Oh my god. I’m already scared.
Kenan: You are about to embark on a terrifying tour of this petrifying prison, where each sale holds iconic frights from the silver scream. Let the tour begin. We are approaching our first stop. Time to meet the sin mates. Ha-ha-ha. Open Cell 600.[The cell door opens. Jason just killed a nurse by stabbing. The door closes.]
Jack: Yo, Michael Morris just made me lowkey jump. This ride is awesome.
Kenan: Only time will hell. The next cell is upon us. Open cell 661[The cell door opens. There’s Annabelle.]
Annabelle: My name is Annabelle. Can you play with me?[Annabelle starts running towards the door. The door closes.]
Ego: No. I hate Annabelle. I can’t wait that little bitch.
Jack: I really might pass out for real. Have you phones ready.
Kenan: You’ll never be ready for the horror that you’ll find in cell 662.[The cell door opens. There’s David Pumpkins and the two skeletons.] [cheers and applause]
David Pumpkins: I am David Pumpkins. And I’m going to scare you stupid.[Music stars playing. David Pumpkins and the skeletons start dancing.]
Any questions?[The door closes]
Kenan: Are you shaking in your boots?
Andrew: No. I’ve seen like every horror movie ever and none of them had David pumpkins in it.
Jack: True, but I was kind of feeling David pumpkins though. Nice change of pace.
Kenan: Silence. A new terror awaits. Open cell 663.[The cell door opens. There’s Pennywise]
Pennywise: New balloon too. Aha-ha-ha-ha.[The door closes]
Andrew: Yeah, see? Pennywise make sense because he was in a horror movie.
Ego: Babe, it’s just a ride.
Andrew: I just want it to be consistent.
Kenan: Shh. The next segment is dying to meet you. Open cell 664.[The cell door opens. There’s again, David Pumpkins and the two skeletons.]
David Pumpkins: Miss me?
Andrew: No, who are you?
David Pumpkins: I’m David Pumpkins, man.
Andrew: Right. David pumpkins from?
David Pumpkins: Before.
Andrew: We know.
Ego: I think he just wants to know what your deal is. Like, Annabelle is a possessed doll. David Pumpkins is?
David Pumpkins: Taking it one day at a time.
Andrew: And the skeletons are?
The skeletons: Next to him.
David Pumpkins: Now, watch this.[Music stars playing. David Pumpkins and the skeletons start dancing.]
What’s my name?
The skeletons: David S Pumpkins.
David Pumpkins: And where am I from?
The skeletons: Ibiza.[The door closes]
Andrew: Si, mucho. He’s from Spain? He doesn’t even have an accent.
Jack: Yo, he said it was from there. It doesn’t mean he grew up there. Let him write his own story.
Andrew: Stop taking David Pumpkin’s side, dude.
Ego: David S Pumpkins, babe.
Kenan: Shh. Our next up is dead ahead. Open cell 665.[The cell opens. There’s Freddy.]
Freddy: The star of your nightmares is indeed David Pumpkins.[David Pumpkins and the skeletons walk in dancing] [The door closes]
Jack: Yo, I didn’t see David Pumpkins coming, man. That was fire.
Andrew: Why are you so on board with David Pumpkins?
Ego: Babe, just ignore him.
Andrew: I can’t. He’s most of this ride. Sir, why is there so much David pumpkins in this?
Kenan: Hey Look man, we spend a lot of money on Pennywise and Freddy Kruger, okay? There wasn’t a lot of money room left in the budget. Now set it up. We hear the infamous cell 666.[The cell door opens. There are the skeletons but not David Pumpkins.]
Andrew: Okay, why is it just you guys now?
The skeletons: Don’t worry about it.[Music starts playing. The skeletons are dancing.]
Happy Halloween from us.[David Pumpkin is standing behind the three of them]
David Pumpkin: And me.
Andrew: Oh my god.