Mr. Reynolds… Kenan Thompson
Megan Thee Stallion
James Austin Johnson[Starts with Mr. Reynolds visiting his daughter’s country house. There’s Megan, Devon and their friends.]
Mr. Reynolds: My goodness, my goodness. I can’t believe my daughter lives in this beautiful house.
Molly: It really is so cozy.
Megan: Thanks everybody. I know it’s remote, but we love it.
Devon: And the schools are great, you know, if you decide to have kids one day.
Mr. Reynolds: One day? You need them now.
Megan: Dad Stop.
Mr. Reynolds: Well, I will not stop. I will never stop on that.
James: Well you guys, look out the window. There’s a deer in your woods.
Megan: Oh really? A deer? Where is it?
James: It’s right there by that pine tree.
Molly: Oh, right. Cute.
Mr. Reynolds: Where is it? I don’t see it.
Devon: It’s right by the pine tree, dad, look.
Megan: Awww. He a big one. Or is it a girl deer because it don’t have horns.
Mr. Reynolds: Where’s this deer you’re talking about?
Molly: It’s by the pine tree, Mr. Reynolds.
Mr. Reynolds: I know what it’s by. But where’s that?
Megan: It’s right there, dad. Do you see the two rocks?
Mr. Reynolds: I thought I was looking for a deer. Now I got to find rocks.
Molly: There’s two big round rocks, Mr. Reynolds.
Mr. Reynolds: Okay. Don’t yell at me. Just show me where the deer is that.
Megan: Do you see where I’m pointing?
Mr. Reynolds: Yes. At rocks.
Megan: Dad, bring your eyes by my hand and follow the arc of the point.
Mr. Reynolds: You know what? Nevermind. I don’t need to see it.
Megan: Dad just follow the arc of my point with your eyes to the deer.
Mr. Reynolds: I said it’s okay. I don’t really care.
Megan: But it’s right there. Just make your eyes go in line with the angle of my point.
Mr. Reynolds: [yelling] I said forget it. I don’t need to see no deer. Deers are boring anyway.
James: Oh my god. There’s a bunny riding on the back of the deer.
Mr. Reynolds: Oh now what? Where’s that happening now?
Devon: Aww, and the bunny has a tail.
Mr. Reynolds: Okay, and if I wanted to see that, where exactly would I look?
Devon: It’s walking straight towards us. See? Look.
Megan: Dad. Imagine a laser coming from my finger.
Mr. Reynolds: What?
Megan: Do you see the third clouds on the side of the sky?
Mr. Reynolds: The side of the sky?
James: It’s right there at 12 o’clock.
Mr. Reynolds: Was that east coast time or the west coast time?
Molly: There’s no difference.
Mr. Reynolds: Oh, just shut up.
Devon: The deers right there. You have to see it.
Mr. Reynolds: Yeah, but I don’t and I don’t want to. Shoot. I think you’re making all this up.
Megan: Alright, daddy. It’s okay. Let’s just talk about something else.
James: Yeah, it’s not that great of a deer anyway.
Molly: Oh my god, it’s at the window, Mr. Reynolds. Look.[It’s jus behind Mr. Reynolds, peeking in through the window.]
Mr. Reynolds: I will not. I have lost all interest in the deer.
Megan: But it’s right there waving at us.[The deer is actually waving at them]
Mr. Reynolds: I don’t care is doing the Macarena.
James: For the love of God, just turn around and you’ll see it.
Mr. Reynolds: Okay fine. But it better be there.[as Mr. Reynolds turns around, the deer ducks and hides]
You know, I’m gonna burn this whole house down.
Molly: It was right there. It just ducked down somewhere.
Mr. Reynolds: Yeah, y’all messing with me. Just like when you pulled my pants down at the Yankee game.
Devon: I didn’t pull your pants down. They were loose, they fell on their own.
Mr. Reynolds: Yeah, whatever. everybody always messing with me.
James: Oh my god.[Megan looks around and jumps away being scared.]
Megan: Oh my god, daddy. The deer’s in the house.[The deer is just behind the couch that Mr. Reynolds’s sitting on]
Mr. Reynolds: I don’t want to hear about no deer.
James: It’s right behind you.
Mr. Reynolds: Hue? Who is Hue?
Megan: Not Hue. You.
Mr. Reynolds: Will ya’ll please stop messing with me?
Molly: Mr. Reynolds, it’s got a knife.
Mr. Reynolds: What? [Mr. Reynolds looks around. The deer is really holding a knife. Mr. Reynolds being shocked, punches the deer down.]
Megan: Oh my god, daddy, you saved us.
Mr. Reynolds: That’s right. Pack your bags, girl. You move in back to the city. Out here fooling with these deers.[sad music playing]
Megan: No. No, daddy. We love it out here. I know you worry about me but I promise we’re gonna be okay.
Mr. Reynolds: Well, you know I do worry. Maybe you right? Maybe my baby girl…
Molly: Oh my god. Mr. Reynolds, the deer is pulling down your pants.
Mr. Reynolds: Hey, get off my pants, you porno deer. What’s wrong with you? Everybody messing with me.