Heaven Scene

[Starts with Dave Chappelle on SNL stage]

Dave Chappelle: Hey, folks, it’s me, Dave, and I’m here to remind all the kids watching that smoking is not cool. Smokers are. Anyway, I wanted to give you guys a heads up that I’m not gonna be in this next sketch ’cause I’m getting a little older and I need a little rest. But the sketch is really fun, and I wanted you guys to see it. So I asked a cast member to do my part, and ’cause the show is a team sport, my man stepped up. So I hope you enjoy this.

[Angelic music playing] [Devon is walking in heaven]

Devon: Hello? Whoa, what is this place? Am I dead?

Kenan; Indeed you are, young man.

Devon: [Exhales sharply] So this is heaven?

Ego: In a sense.

Devon: What does that mean? Where am I?

[Mikey walks in. He’s white, wearing while suit and a hat with leopard fur jacket. He’s replacing Dave Chappelle in this sketch.]

Mikey: You in Black heaven, biatch.

[Intro of “Black Heaven” playing]

Devon: Whoa, so there’s a different heaven for Black people?

Mikey: Yeah, young’un. Where you think you is?

Devon: Wait, so everybody up in here is Black?

Ego: That’s right. A whole afterlife of beautiful, Black kings and queens.

Mikey: Thought e’ry now and then, some…I can’t say that line.

Kenan: Come on, man. Just say it.

Mikey: E’ry now and then, some white, chicken head hoes cluck their way through the gate looking for some chocolate sauce.

Kenan: And we happy to oblige. [chuckle] Ain’t that right? Sorry.

Devon: Damn, I think I’m gonna like it here, fam.

Ego: ‘Course you will. This is Black heaven, where your Jordans never have a crease.

Kenan: Where your wave’s always 360.

Mikey: I shouldn’t be doing this sketch. Dave’s not even resting. He’s right there.

[Dave is looking at Mikey Day laughing]

Dave Chappelle: You’re killing it, Mikey. Keep going.

Ego: Anyway, king, in Black heaven, all the women are baddies, as I know you can see.

Mikey: Preach. Every shawty, every shawty up here got one of them TSA booties.

Kenan: Yeah, around here, the asses go up to the top of the pants.

Ego: Oh, and the food is on point.

Devon: There’s food in Black heaven?

Mikey: Of course, blood. And auntie always hold you a plate.

Punkie: Auntie sure does, and in here, the mac and cheese look like this.

Devon: Mm, no disrespect, but I never been a big fan of mac and cheese.

Punkie: Excuse me? I know you’re not talking about my mac and cheese.

Kenan: Uh oh. Titi about to throw hands.

Mikey: Whoa. WorldStar.

Dave Chappelle: [laughing hard] He said “WorldStar.” Let’s go, let’s go. Let’s go.

Punkie: Oh, but you got to trust me, baby, ’cause you gonna love this mac and cheese. On God.

Mikey: And I assume you like Henny. [walks close to Ego]

Ego: Mikey, what are you doing?

Mikey: It says “gesture to Henny.” Isn’t your character Henny?

Ego: Henny is Hennessy, man. It’s right here. [pulls up a bottle of Hennessy]

Kenan: Man, you was on “Wild ‘n Out” Season 1. You ain’t absorbed nothing?

Mikey: I don’t know! I shouldn’t be doing this! I think Dave is just messing with me. He got all his friends with him now. Look.

[Dave is laughing hard at Mikey with his friends]

Dave Chappelle: Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Go, go, go.

Kenan: Come on, Mikey Man. You a pro.

Mikey: Alright. Anyway, cuzo, you a real one. Now bring it in and get some love, my nnn- No, I’m not saying that! I’m not.

Ego: You’re smart. Smart.

Kenan: Good call. That’s a good call.

Mikey: Anyway…

All: Welcome to Black heaven.

Dave Chappelle: And there you have it. That was so much fun, I forgot to take my rest, so I think I’m gonna sit the next sketch out, but don’t you worry. My man can fill in for me.

Mikey: What?

Dave Chappelle: Oh, you’re gonna love this one. It’s a really deep sketch about the horrors and atrocities on the Underground Railroad, Mikey.

Mikey: No, I cannot do that.

Dave Chappelle: Oh, yes, you can. Stick around, everybody. Let’s go.

Mikey: I cannot. I won’t. I won’t.

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