Mitch McConnell… James Austin Johnson
John Cornyn… Mikey Day
Marsha Blackburn… Cecily Strong
Herschel Walker… Kenan Thompson
Mitch McConnell: Well Senator, Republicans face an uphill battle on Tuesday.
John Cornyn: I know. Obama was just in Georgia campaigning for the other guy.
Marsha Blackburn: Did you see it? It was like a comedy central roast up there.
Mitch McConnell: I figured guy could use some help. Send him in. Herschel Walker!
Herschel Walker: Hey there. Mitch McDonald’s. I’m sorry I’m late. I was having too much fun in a free merry go round y’all got out front.
Mitch: That’s a revolving door, Herschel. Have a seat.
John Cornyn: Great job on your campaign. Hershel.
Marsha Blackburn: Yes, excellent.
Mitch McConnell: You remember, former majority whip Senator John Cornyn?
Herschel Walker: No.
Mitch McConnell: Of course, Marsha Blackburn. senator from Tennessee.
Herschel Walker: Oh, Your Highness.
Mkey: Well, Herschel, the midterms wasn’t the red wave we hoped for but we think you can win this Tuesday.
Marsha Blackburn: Yes. The priority now is to get out the vote because you got this big runoff coming up.
Herschel Walker: Oh, well, I’m good at those. My ex wife said all I do is run off.
John Cornyn: No, Herschel, the Georgia run off. The polls show it’s very close.
Herschel Walker: Oh, how close?
Marsha Blackburn: Oh, so close, Herschel. Warnock is polling at 50.9%. You are polling at 49.1.
Herschel Walker: Well, then the first priority is to figure out which number is bigger.
Mitch McConnell: Well, the election is this Tuesday, they’ve already started counting votes by mail.
Herschel Walker: Right. But you gotta remember, they still got to count votes by female.
John Cornyn: Sure, but we wanted to talk to you because this runoff is really important, Herschel. We could really use a win right now.
Herschel Walker: Well, you can count on me. I came to two S and kicked bubble gum, and I’m all out a gubble bum.
Mitch McConnell: There’s already three days left. We want to be really careful. And you’ve had some scandals already. Is there anything else we should know in the final stretch?
Herschel Walker: What do you mean?
Marsha Blackburn: Like bad things from your past that maybe people don’t know yet?
Herschel Walker: Oh, yes, definitely. Yes. So many.
Marsha Blackburn: Well, I hate to ask, but can you tell us some of them?
Herschel Walker: Let me see, where do I start? Okay, so there’s this pretty lady that works at the McDonald’s. Right? So I went down there… [the clock’s shows one hour has passed] Anyway, she didn’t want to keep it so I drove it down to the planned Parent Trap.
Marsha Blackburn: Wow, that’s a lot.
Mitch McConnell: I’m gonna be honest. For sure. This might be tough.
Herschel Walker: Oh, don’t worry. I’m feeling very confident about this erection.
John Cornyn: Don’t you mean election?
Herschel Walker: I do not.
Marsha Blackburn: Maybe in the final push, let’s lay low and focus on the message.
Herschel Walker: Exactly. Just like Kanye.
Marsha Blackburn: No, no. On the issues people care about. Inflation, crime…
Herschel Walker: Vampires, werewolves. They’re scary little GEICO Gecko. We’re gonna be looking into all of that.
Marsha Blackburn: Right? So maybe less of that. Or even better, none of that.
Herschel Walker: Really? Because that’s like 90% of my next speech.
Mitch McConnell: Right. Herschel, can we have a moment alone?
Herschel Walker: Oh, sure. You can toss a blanket right over me and I fall asleep like a parakeet.
Marsha Blackburn: Okay. Well, that sounds great. [Marsha Blackburn puts a blanket on Herschel Walker] Night, night.
John Cornyn: Well done. So just to be clear, our last hope to win this year is Herschel Walker?
Marsha Blackburn: Yeah, so plan B.
Mitch McConnell: I don’t think we have no choice.
Herschel Walker: [talking in sleep] Come on, girl. Don’t take that name for no Big Mac. [wakes up] Oh, I’m sorry.
Mitch McConnell: Hershel, get up. I’m gonna show you something very exciting.
Herschel Walker: Oh, yeah, sure.
Mitch McConnell: Why don’t you take a look up in there?
Herschel Walker: Oh, wow. Look, there’s a little room.
Mitch McConnell: That’s right. It used to be my panic room. Now. It’s all yours just till Election Day.
Herschel Walker: Well, wait, why am I already in there?
Mitch McConnell: Oh, that’s a mirror Herschel. Go on ahead. We got everything you need in there. Get in there.
Herschel Walker: Look at that. They got Lunchables in here and everything.
Mitch McConnell: it’s only for a few days. And live from New York, it’s Saturday night.