Silky/ARhaenan… Dave Chappelle
Rhaenyra … Chloe Fineman
Daemon… Michael Longfellow
Guard… Mikey Day
Corlys Velaryon… Kenan Thompson
Baela… Punkie Johnson
Rhaena… Ego Nwodim
King… James Austin Johnson[Starts with Dave Chappelle on SNL stage]
Dave Chappelle: Anyone out here watching this new show ‘House of Dragons’? I am the biggest Game of Thrones fan. I love the new show. And I gotta tell yo,u I love that they’re including black characters. But to be honest, the black characters— They take me out of it a little bit with the— It’s that blonde hair and the old time accents. It’s a little jarring. Like, where are these people from? You know what I mean? And then they’re coming out with season two, I guess soon. And somehow Lorn Daemons arranged a sneak peek of season two of House of Dragons exclusive. so check it out.
Rhaenyra: Before we go to war with King’s Landing, we must know who our true allies are.
Daemon: These represent all of our possible alliances, Your Grace.
Rhaenyra: Thank you, Daemon.
Daemon: And I prepared this family tree so we know who the hell everyone is.
Rhaenyra: Yes, because our names are insane and sound identical.
Daemon: I’ve also prepared a chart of who’s having sex with whom. And weirdly enough, it’s the same as a family tree.
Guard: You are the visitor Your Grace. Lord of the tides, the sea snake himself, Corlys Velaryon.
Rhaenyra: Lord Corlys, this is a most welcome surprise. Where have you come from?
Corlys: The Matrix. Just kidding.
Daemon: You must have been at sea a long time then.
Corlys: Oh, of course. This is where my people are most comfortable. The ocean. Yeah, we especially love being on ships. Never have any concerns with ships or what might happen to us on ships.
Rhaenyra: Have you come alone?
Corlys: Oh no, no, I brought my granddaughters Baela and Rhaena.
Baela: Greetings, Your Grace.
Rhaena: So happy to have traveled 40 days by ship in this ballgown, Your Grace.
Daemon: It’s wonderful to see you. Since you are betrothed to my nephews/stepsons, Jason and Luke.
Baela: Yeah, I look at my future husband and I think he is definitely going to satisfy me sexually.
Rhaenyra: And to what do we owe the honor of your visit lord Corlys?
Corlys: Yeah, well, you know, I know that you are in need of allies now that your father has died.
King: Died? [he’s walking as his face is bleeding]
Corlys: Oh my god, man, what has happening with your face?
King: The doctor says it’s nothing. Just a little cough and my skin melted and my eye fell.
Corlys: Well, I found you some new allies from even further away lands that have come to pay their respects to the true queen.
Dave: [walking in] Well, well, well. Good to see you, Your Grace. Cousin Daemon, well, haven’t ever seen in long time. How does it feel to have sex with your niece? Yuck.
Dave’s wife: This whole family is like the sun took a look and said, “No, thank you.”
Dave: Your Majesty looks like you got a case of the monkey pox. You’re gonna die any minute, ain’t you?
King: Yeah, yeah.
Dave: Well, if it isn’t our cousin, light-skinned Larry Targaryen.
Larry: [Chuckles] Silky, your hoes are so old, their titties give powdered milk.
Dave: You look like E.T. when they dressed him up for Halloween.
Larry: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! All that was hateful, man.
Dave: Your Jheri curls are getting a little dry.
Dave’s wife: That’s that dragon spray.
Guard: More visitors approach.[ Cheers and applause ]
Dave: Pardon me, Your Grace, but I think your penis just fell off. If you don’t want it anymore, can I keep it? Might be able to get some money for that.
Rhaenyra: Who is this foul man?
Dave: I came here for some dragon rocks. I’m down to my last one.
Guard: What the hell is going on here?
Dave: You mind if I, um, get a light? [He’s asking fire to light his cigarette. He raises his hand holding a cigarette. The dragons comes behind him.] Dracarys. [The dragon breathes the fire and he lights his cigarette]
Rhaenyra: Be gone, all of you.
Corlys: Oh, no, there’s more.
Dave: I’m one of the baddest mother Westeros has ever seen. One of the best singers and one of the best dancers, too. I’m ARhaenan Targaryen, bitch, rider of dragons. I heard you like to ride lizards. Want to ride mine, Your freaking Majesty?[There are dragons flying in the sky. There are Targarians riding the dragon. They have seats in shape of motorcycles on the dragon’s back.]
Tar: Take me to Flea Bottom so I can check on my hoes.
Dave: What up, Tar? I got a dragon now.
Dave: No, dragon.[While they’re riding dragons, there’s red siren lights flashing]
Dave: Good God, it’s the police. What are they doing all the way up here? No matter how high I fly, they always find you, don’t they?