Taylor Gosh… Selena Gomez[Starts with show intro]
Male voice: We now return to American inventors.[Cut to Taylor Gosh]
Taylor Gosh: The automobile, paper cup, dancing, computer. These were all invented. But who did that and what is their story? We begin with Archie Gizmo, the brilliant inventor of the whoopee cushion.
Archie Gizmo: Well, back in the early 60s. I was just a struggling gag and dinner. And all I had was an early prototype of the cushion? I knew it would be funny to have your boss sit down and a noise come from his butt. But I just couldn’t figure out what noise. No. I couldn’t crack. But then I met her.[Cut to Aidy dancing]
Miss Dina Beans. I saw her from afar. Her energy was magnetic. Her eyes are endless. And every time she sat down, gas.[cut to video clips where Aidy farts when she sits]
Taylor Gosh: It was that night he realized the funniest noise that could come out of a butt was a fart.
News anchor: Watch out substitute teachers, don’t sit down. They’re calling it the whoopee cushion and they’re flying off the shelves.
Taylor Gosh: He had a bonafide hits and it didn’t stop there. Dena Beans became his news.
Archie Gizmo: I fell in love with Dina. And she was behind every good idea I ever had. Because you see, she wasn’t just a chronic gas passer. She was also the most viciously, unlucky woman I had ever met.
Dina Beans: Oh, yum, peanuts?[whe she opens the bottle, snakes come out of it]
Archie Gizmo: I mean, what the hell could have been going on at the peanut factory for a sealed can to be full of four multicolored, alive, poisonous snakes?
News anchor: Watch out in peanut fans. Maybe it’s time to switch to pecans.
Taylor Gosh: Archie diligently recorded home footage of Dina’s every move. Here, Dina is struck by lightning while shaking someone’s hand.[cut to a video where Dina is struck by lightning while shaking someone’s hand]
Dina Beans: Hi, Mr. Nice to meet you. [gets struck by lightning]
Archie Gizmo: Boom. That was the hand buzzer. Very next day, hand to God, her eyeballs popped out of her sockets.
Dina Beans: Oh, my eyes fell out.
Archie Gizmo: Boom. Googly eyed slinging glasses.[Dina Beans puts her eye balls back]
Dina Beans: That’s better.
Archie Gizmo: Then lightning got the woman again. This time while taking a piece of gum from a guy.[cut to a video where Dina is struck by lightning while taking a gum from a guy]
Dina Beans: Tutti Frutti, my favorite– [gets struck by lightning]
Commercial: Electric gum, the gum that bites back.
Taylor Gosh: How this woman did not die between two lightning strikes and a snake attack is between her and God. But Archie’s hit pranks just kept coming.
Archie Gizmo: Dina got struck by lightning almost weekly. While clicking a pin.
Commercial: Electric Shocker, the pen that gives an electric shock.
Archie Gizmo: Sitting down.
Commercial: Electric whoopee cushion.
Archie Gizmo: She was God’s perfect fool.
Taylor Gosh: Archie became the most famous gag inventor in the world. And it was all thanks to Dina Beans.
Archie Gizmo: We had everything. Money, a house in the hills, late nights with celebrities, the parties and illicit drugs were fun. But none of that mattered to me because Dina was the prize and the greatest gag she ever goofed was marrying a guy like me. I love you Dina Beans.
Dina Beans: Oh, and I love you Archie Gizmo.
Archie Gizmo: Sharke on it? [gives his hand to shake, but he has a shocker in his hand. When she shakes her hand, she gets electric shock]