Jack Harlow
[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Harlow.
[Jack Harlow walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]Jack Harlow: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is incredible. My name is Jack Harlow and it’s been a big year for me. I put out my second album. I went on a world tour. I just shot my first movie White Men Can’t Jump. And a lot of people have been saying I’m the GOAT. They don’t mean greatest of all time, they mean that one from Narnia.
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about me but people on the internet, they liked the roast me. I don’t mind I think it’s funny. One guy said I don’t know why y’all think Jack Harlow is so special, you can find somebody who looks like him at any local gas station. I’ve heard them say I look like if you tried to draw Justin Timberlake from memory. I think my favorite one might be Jack Harlow looks like the guy who rips the tickets in half the movie theaters. Do y’all agree?
There’s also a strange amount of rumors about me. Some people think I’m only 5’10’, stop it. Other people think I was created by the CIA? No telling. Some people have even gone as far as to accuse me of being white.
I seen a lot of kids running around dressed as me for Halloween too. And I just want to say like cut it out because my culture is not a costume. I’ve also heard people try to romantically link me and little NAS X’s item. But I’m going to tell you right now. No, everything that happened between us was casual and consensual, and one of the best nights of my entire life. Working with him. Working with him.
You know? What’s really crazy though, is that this show is live. Like, really live. It’s one of the last real live shows. Basically, it’s just this in the office. So… I can really do anything right now. Like technically, no one can stop me. I don’t even have to stay on the stage. In fact, I think I’d like to leave this stage.
[gets a mic from someone]Thank you.
[walks to the audience]What’s your name?
Mikayla: Mikayla.
Jack Harlow: Everybody, give it up for Mikayla please.
[cheers and applause]Is there anything, with the world watching, you’d like to say?
Mikayla: Huge Jack Harlow fan.
Jack Harlow: Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Thank you so much. Everyone says to give it up for Mikayla. Wow.
[walks back to the stage]That’s beautiful. I just want to give a shout out to my family. My mom and dad are here tonight. My grandparents are here tonight. I’m so grateful for you. Y’all are the reason I get to stand on this stage and say- We have a great show for you tonight. I’m here. Stick around, we’ll be right back.