Jake Gyllenhaal Monologue


Jake Gyllenhaal

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Jake Gyllenhaal.

[Jake Gyllenhaal walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Jake Gyllenhaal: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am so, so excited to be back at SNL. The last time I hosted was the year 2007. You know how long ago that was? That was like 400 Marvel movies ago. To give you an idea what it was like in 2007, in the show I hosted, there was a George W. Bush sketch. There were jokes about the first iPhone. And this is a photo from me from my monologue. [a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal’s previous monologue appears] There I am in full drag, singing a song from Dream Girls to promote a movie where I played a gay cowboy.

That was actually the least problematic thing in that episode. But looking back, I feel like I was a totally different person. It’s funny, I got this reputation for being a serious intense method actor. But honestly, I wasn’t even that good at method acting. I remember for this movie Nightcrawler I went to the director, and I was like, “Get ready for me to lose 48 pounds and win the Oscar.” And then a week later, I was like, “How would you like to see an actor lose 36 pounds and win the Golden Globe?” And then I showed up on set and I was like “You’re looking at a guy who gained 10 pounds and doesn’t care about awards.”

The truth is, I was only doing that method stuff because I thought that’s what you had to do to be a serious actor and I kind of forgot how to have fun. That’s when I realized something I should have realized a long time ago. Acting is a really stupid job. It’s pretend and it’s fun and it should be filled with joy. Well, I’m finally embracing that joy again, and that’s why I’m back standing on this stage. I never thought SNL would come calling again. [music playing] I mean it’s been 15 years and I wasn’t sure I’d remember how to host. But being here tonight, it feels like everything is suddenly coming back.

[singing] There were nights when the wind was so cold
that my body froze in bed 
if I just listen to it right outside the window
but when you see me like this
and I host you like that
I just have to admit that it’s all coming back to me

Chloe, Ego and Cecily: All coming back, it’s all coming back to you now
there were moments of gold and there were flashes of light

Jake Gyllenhaal: There were sketches I would never do again
but then they always seem right
there were nights of endless pleasure,
it was more than any shows alive
baby baby

All: If you want me like this,
and if you need me like that,
like back long ago but it’s all coming back to me
I can barely recall  but it’s all coming back to me now

Jake Gyllenhaal: We got a great show for you tonight. Camila Cabello is here. Stick around we will be right back.

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