Jets Fans

[Starts with four Jets fans at the game]

Cecily: Kids, watch where you’re running, okay? This is so fun. I am so glad we were able to get this together.

Kenan: Yeah, it is a great day for a game.

Amy: Couldn’t ask for better tailgating weather. It should be a great game.

Andrew: Yeah, the bills are top of the division. They’re pretty good.

Kenan: So is this macaroni salad? Amazing?

Amy: Isn’t it delicious? Laura? What did you have time to make this?

Cecily: No, I just started together last night. It’s nothing.

Amy: Well, if it’s nothing, give me more nothing.

Cecily: Oh-oh, Bills fan coming.

Amy: [rudely] Hey, Bills jersey. Hey, you’re wearing a frigging wrong shirt, you friggin a-hole.

Cecily: You’re like a frigging moron. Yeah, keep walking, a-hole.

Kenan: Moron.

Andrew: Clown.

[a guy walks by wearing Bills jersey]

Amy: Yeah, freaking dead today, moron.

All: J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets.

Cecily: By the way, did I tell you Henry’s having a tough time at school?

Amy: Really? Oh no. What happened?

Cecily: I guess he’s getting bullied.

Amy: No.

Cecily: Yeah, for his hair cut.

Kenan: Well, that is awful.

Andrew: Yeah. Where do kids even learn this?

Cecily: From the internet? I guess. [screaming at Bills fan] Oh, fat ass Bills fan alert.

Amy: Hey, fatty, maybe do a few jumping jacks before your next meal.

Cecily: Yeah, maybe eat a vegetable next time, you frigging whale.

[Heidi is walking by wearing bills jersey]

Heidi: I’m pregnant.

Amy: Oh, you want a friggin medal? Have a drink slut.

Kenan: Yeah, drink up, you donkey.

Andrew: Yes, it’s on us, donkey.

Cecily: Jets. By the way, I was in CVS yesterday. They already have a Christmas stuff out.

Amy: I know. They take down the Halloween stuff and poof, it’s Christmas.

[police walks in]

Police: Hey, hey, what the hell are you guys doing?

Amy: Sorry. Is there a problem, officer?

Police: There will be if you don’t put that charcoal out before you head into the game?

Kenan: Of course, we’ll put it out.

Police: Well, I would hope so. Because every week— [screaming] Hey! Hey, Bills mafia! You’re in the wrong stadium, your friggin a-hole.

Cecily: Oh, you’re gonna cry to your mommy? Boo-hoo.

Amy: Yeah, keep walking douche bags.

[A bunch of kids pass by. They’re bullying those bunch of kids.]

Kenan: Yeah, I’ll bring the barbecue right through you, you little—

Cecily: Yeah, keep running. Run away.

Police: Yeah, run right into traffic, you freaking douche bags. You folks enjoy the game.

Amy: Thank you, officer. Oh my god, I forgot to tell you. My second grade class is so adorable this year and they’re so excited to learn. [screaming] Hey! Bills flag. Kiss my whole thing.

Cecily: Yes. Suck my sleeve, buddy. Suck it front to back.

[a guy on a wheelchair wearing Bills jersey pass by ignoring them]

Andrew: Oh, you’re gonna go by all slow, huh? You think that scares me? I’m not scared of you, you banzi.

Kenan: Yeah, I’ll put my whole fist on your face, you frigging a-hole.

Cecily: Yeah, keep moving, you hump freaking hump.

Andrew: You know, I am really feeling this White Claw.

Cecily: Right?

Amy: Oh, you know what? Excuse me for a second. Hey. [runs out of the frame]

Male voice: Hey, what the hell are you doing?

[Amy pushes a wheelchair back out and runs back to her friends.]

Amy: So should we start heading in soon?

Andrew: Oh, you know what? There’s only five minutes left in the game.

Cecily: Oh my gosh. Did we miss the whole game again?

Andrew: It looks like it. Yeah.

Amy: So should we just stay out here?

Kenan: I’m having fun. [screaming] Hey! Hey, lady!

Cecily: Hey, suck my sleeve, you dumb cow.

Amy: Suck her whole sleeve.

All: J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets.