Megan Thee Stallion Monologue

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Megan Thee Stallion

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Megan Thee Stallion.

[Megan Thee Stallion walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Megan Thee Stallion: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. I can’t tell you how excited I am to be here. Most of y’all know me as Megan Thee Stallion. But if you know me, then you know I go by more than one name. Let’s see, we got Tina Snow, the Hot Girl Coach, the Ace Town Hottie, and if you are one of my many, many haters, I’m probably “That bitch”. But that’s okay because even my haters aren’t entirely wrong because I am simply that bitch. So I know everyone is used to seeing me twerk, the rest of my hood rap friends, and flat out being one of the Hottest MCs in the Game right now, period. But that’s much more to me that meets the eye. For example, I’m a really good actress. I don’t want to blow my own horn or nothing, but I think I do a pretty good British accent. Alright, check this out. Put me in Britain, bitch. Thank you.

I also got my¬†college degree last year from Texas Southern University. [cheers and applause] Finishing college while pursuing a rap career is not easy. And I did that while putting out song after song and going on the world tour. So now, I can go by another name, making the bitch that need some sleep. I got my degree in Health Administration because I have always wanted to help the people in my community. I believe that it’s important to have a sharp mind and a sharp body-yadi-yadi-yadi. That’s why I launched my website that provides access to resources for those who are struggling with a mental health, badbitcheshavebaddaystoo.com. That’s a real website. I can’t believe the domain wasn’t already taken. It’s supposed to be called hot girl bummer, but somebody stole it. You know who you are. But look, before the show starts. It’s something I’ve really been wanting to say. I’ve had some wins and I’ve had some losses. And I always get more wins. But I do pride myself on being an open book. So with that being said, I would like to address a certain incident that I’m sure it’s on everybody’s mind. No, I don’t know why Popeyes took the hottie sauce off the menu. And if you want the sauce back, you’re gonna take that on with the Popeyes lady, not me, okay? But seriously, I really do want to thank my fans, aka, the hotties. Y’all mean the world to me. Without y’all there’d be no hot girl sauce. We have a great show here for you tonight. I’m here. So stick around, we’ll be right back.

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