Neytiri

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Jake Sully… Mikey day

Devon Walker

Friote… Kenan Thompson

Chabegue… Sarah Sherman

Vicki… Heidi Gardner

Christine… Aubrey Plaza

Neytiri… Ego Nwodim

Jake: As Chief of this clan, it’s my job to keep you all safe. I’m doing that. I must tell the truce of this war.

Devon: What’s going on, Jake Sully?

Jake: There are reports. The humans have infiltrated the Omatikaya clan. I fear there are sky people living among us disguised as avatars.

[everyone hissing]

Devon: That can’t be.

Chabegue: No. These are our brothers and sisters.

[Vicki and Christine are obviously humans with blue paint on them]

Vicki: What? We got humans up in here?

Christine: Not cool, man. Not cool.

Vicki: Yeah, I hate that.

Jake: I know it’s difficult to process, but we must stay vigilant. Reports tell us that we should be looking for two female lieutenants that are spies described as Butch ladies from Arizona.

[Vicki and Christine are vaping]

Christine: Good to know. Good to know.

Vicki: All right, y’all, we need to be on the lookout for some Grand Canyon types.

Friote: Jake sully, it’s obviously these two.

Jake: Wait. Vicki and Christie?

Christine: Whoa!

Vicki: Are you serious right now, Frito?

Christine: Come on, Frito.

Friote: Friote. My name is Friote.

Jake: Okay, everyone, be calm. These are big accusations, Friote.

Christine: Okay, okay. Thank you, Jaoke.

Vicki: Appreciate it, Jaoke.

Jake: It’s Jake.

Chabegue: Wait. Yeah, now that I think about it, they do always look down at their own bodies and say out loud, “Whoa, this is crazy.”

Christine: Whoa.

Vicki: Girl, yours is wild.

Christine: It’s great to have different there.

Devon: It’s all making sence. Is that why they call themselves the maricope counter of milf hunters?

Chabegue: And why they were in completely different clothing?

Christine: Whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened to women supporting women, bitch?

Vicki: Seriously, okay. We’re cool with letting her nips fight sometimes, but maybe we’re not as comfortable in thongs and I’m looking at you cheeseburger.

Chabegue: It’s Chabegue.

Christine: Alright, listen guys. We’re NaVi in a big way. Okay?

Vicki: Like, our skin’s blue and think we know how to use our tails.

Christine: I think we know.

[They put their tails inside their mouth. They get shocked.]

Vicki: How long was I out?

Christine: How long? How long were we out, Frito?

Friote: You are not out. Come on. Jake Sully.

Jake: Wait. Our queen is back. Our Queen Neytiri.

Vicki: Oh, screaming lady alert. Here we go.

Christine: Oh god, here we go.

Neytiri: They come out people.

Jake: Okay, Neytiri…

Neytiri: They come for our people.

Jake: Okay, alright, huh.

Neytiri: We must kill them.

Jake: Don’t start crying.

[Neytiri starts crying loud]

Neytiri: Wait. What are they doing?

[Vicki and Christine are playing basketball]

Jake: I don’t know what they are doing. I don’t know what’s happening. Vicki, Christine, you guys cannot be playing basketball right now. I need you to focus if we’re ever going to catch the moles. You’re alright?

Vicki: Yeah.

Friote: Jake. Jake Sully. Come on, man. Come on, you gotta trust me. It’s me. It’s me Frito. I mean, Friote. Jake Sally. Jake Sully Come on man, it’s them. I haven’t seen two people playing basketball since I was living back on earth as a human being.

Neytiri: [crying] Oh, stop. It was Frito this whole time?

Vicki: And us too.

Christine: Dang, Vicky, come on.

Vicky: Oh, shoot, dude, let’s get out of here.

[they put their tails inside their mouths again]

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