Please Don’t Destroy – Plirts


Ben: I don’t know, something like that.

Austin: Gerace Jim Henson. Yeah, that bet could be a funny sketch.

Ben: Thanks, man. Yeah. Hey, why don’t we celebrate with a glass of red wine?

Austin: it’s pretty early, but okay.

Ben and John: Oh, cheers.

[Ben and John pulls out glasses of wine and intentionally pour them on their shirts]

Ben: Oh, my shirt. Now I’m gonna look like a slob for the date I have tonight.

John: Gosh, Austin, don’t you hate when this happens? I just wish there was a solution to this very common problem. [looks at the door] [loudly] I said I wish there was a solution to this very common problem.

Ben: Mart!

[Martin walks in wearing a plastic shirt]

Martin: Well now, there is. With the Plirt, the world’s first shirt made of 100% real plastic.

Ben: That’s plastic? But it looks just like a regular shirt.

Martin: I know it does. But it’s made of plastic which means its spills and stains rinse right off.

Austin: Guys, what’s going on?

[John throws wing at Martin and wipes the wine right out]

Ben and John: Wow.

John: Thanks so Martin’s Plirt, his date night just turned into a sex night. [now Ben and John are also wearing the Plirt] Man, they are comfy. Hey, Martin, this company looking for investors?

Martin: They need investors bad because they’re so in the red right now.

John: Austin?

Austin: Oh, you want me to invest in your company?

Martin: And would you believe us if we told you they were good for the environment?

Austin: Plastic shoots? No.

Martin: Exactly. It’s not. But I was hoping you would believe.

Ben: Come on, Elvis. Try one on.

Austin: Geez, okay. [now he’s also wearing a Plirt] This is more like a phone case.

John: So, do you want to invest? We googled them we know you have enough money.

Austin: Well guys, I can’t move my arms in this.

Ben: Sure, you can watch me grab this cup. [he can’t] I almost had it.

Martin: Bottom line, Plirts are stylish, stain proof and not for pregnant women.

Austin: What was the last one?

Ben: Sleek, lightweight and internal temperature of 110 degrees.

Devon: That’s why I always wear my Plants. [he’s wearing a plastic pants]

Austin: You too?

Marcello: And they also sell Plats and Plackets. [comes in wearing plastic hat and jacket]

Martin: And for summertime fun, they even sell Plinkinis and Plimplungs.

Austin: I feel like I’m having a stroke. Why are you guys talking like this?

John: Because we need that money, man. We make $30 a video. Just gve us the money.

Austin: How did you get the money for the Plothing?

Martin: I got a little help from a girlfriend.

[Lizzo comes in wearing plastic dress]

Lizzo: Hi, babe.

Martin: Oh, hey sweetie.

Austin: You’re dating Lizzo?

Martin: Yeah, man. My life’s a [bleep] movie.

Lizzo: Oh, and by the way, Martin, I got no Planties on.

Austin: What is going on?

Marcello: Dude, where the hell did you get this plastic.

Ben: Jersey, why?

Marcello: The Plat made my hair fall out. [He shows his head. He’s bald.]

Austin: Guys, these are dangerous and insane. They do not belong in the office or on the streets. They belong in the runway.

[cut to them having a photoshoot for Plirts.]

Austin: Love might just be a chemical, then again, so is plastic.

Female voice: Plirts by Plirts Jacobs.

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