Send Something Normal

5
(2)

Halen Hardy… Miles Teller

Adam Levine… Mikey Day

Armie Hammer… James Austin Johnson

Neil deGrasse Tyson… Kenan Thompson

Bowen Yang

[Starts with people in game show set]

Male voice: It’s time to play America’s easiest game show “Send Something Normal”.

[cheers and applause] [Cut to Halen Hardy]

Halen Hardy: All right, America. Welcome to send something normal. I’m your host Halen Hardy. For those of you that don’t know, the game is very simple. We have four male celebrity contestants, and all they have to do is reply to a woman’s DM on Instagram in a way that is normal. And fellows, if you send a normal DM, you win $100 million. Again, the game is send a woman a normal DM and you win $100 million. Now, let’s meet our first contestant Adam Levine. Now we all know why you’re here, Adam.

Adam Levine: I was bad.

Halen Hardy: Yes, you were Adam. Next up coming to us all the way from his involuntary career change, Armie Hammer.

Armie Hammer: Yes. Yeah, hi. Can I get a big welcome back to Hollywood round of applause?

Halen Hardy: No, you may not. And next up, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Well. Thank you for having me. What a pleasure. Why am I here?

Halen Hardy: Well, Neil, you haven’t had a DM scandal yet, but hey, you never know.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Oh, please. In my circles, DM stands for divalent magnesium. [laughs alone] But I do suppose in our infinite alternative realities, anything’s possible.

Halen Hardy: And our final contestant, it’s SNL cast member, Bowen Yang.
Bowen Yang: Hello.

Halen Hardy: Now, Bowen is our returning champion. Last week, he racked up over $1.4 billion. Bowen, what do you attribute your success to?

Bowen Yang: Oh, being gay.

Halen Hardy: Makes sense to me. All right, Adam Levine. How are you going to respond to this woman’s DM? “Hey, Adam. Huge fan. Love your music.”

Adam Levine: Umm. Okay, tough call. Can I see her most liked vacation photo?

Halen Hardy: Seems like that couldn’t possibly help but sure. Gotta say Adam, don’t love that hand lotion.

Adam Levine: Okay, okay, I have my answer.

Halen Hardy: All right.

Adam Levine: All right. Gonna kick things off with a “Hoooly moly!”

Halen Hardy: Are you sure?

Adam Levine: Yeah. But I got three more though. “Hoooooly moooly”. “Holy crap”. “Your body is making my penis smile.”

[wrong answer buzzer]

Halen Hardy: Sorry, Adam. You almost had it there.

Adam Levine: Oh, okay. I did?

Halen Hardy: No. Armie Hammer, it’s your turn to respond. Your messages. “Hey, Armie, hope you’re doing okay.”

Armie Hammer: All right, look, I know there’s been a lot of talk about me in the press. But I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I’ve changed. So I have my message.

Halen Hardy: What’s it going to be?

Armie Hammer: I want to break open your bones and suck out the marrow.

[wrong answer buzzer]

Halen Hardy: All right. Let’s go to Neil. Your messages is “Hey, Neil. I love your podcast.”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Oh my goodness. What a kind message. What a nice woman, deserves a well researched response. Please show me her most likes vacation photo.

Halen Hardy: You too Neil? Alright.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Um-hmm. Um-hmm. Okay. Alright, calculating.

Halen Hardy: Now Neil, let me help you out here. You will win if you just say thank you.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: I have an alternate response. “Salutations. Perhaps if the stars do align, you would like to come over and peer into my telescope, metaphorically speaking.”

[wrong answer buzzer]

Halen Hardy: Now Neil, are you asking that woman to look into your penis?

Neil deGrasse Tyson: [smiles] I suppose I was. Is that not normal?

Halen Hardy: No, no. All right, next up is Bowen Yang. Bowen, got a good feeling you’re gonna win this round.

Bowen Yang: Me too.

Halen Hardy: Your message is “Hey, Bo, I’m a huge fan. I would love to be your friend.”

Bowen Yang: Oh that’s so nice. Well this will be easy I’ll just say…

Halen Hardy: Just before you start, the message is from Dua Lipa.

Bowen Yang: Oh, no.

Halen Hardy: Got a response, Bowen?

Bowen Yang: “Hooooly mooly!” “Hoooly crap!” “Your music makes my penis smile.”

[wrong answer buzzer]

Halen Hardy: Bowen, come on, man. Horrible. Okay, we’re gonna take a quick break. But when we come back, we’ll see if any of these guys can just say nothing at all.

Adam Levine: I’ll give you a hint. I’m gonna say I might need to see that booty!

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