Weekend Update First Amazon Union Formed Jen Psaki to Leave White House

Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of Jen Psaki at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Press Secretary Jen Psaki is reportedly leaving the White House this spring to join MSNBC. Damn she’s still at work and already has her next job lined up? That’s as crazy as some of the sketches on season 2 of “That Damn Michael Che”, this summer on HBO Max.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Staten Island and Amazon logo at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: Workers at the Amazon warehouse in Staten Island voted to become the first Amazon workers in the country to form a union. The union explains Amazon’s new slogan, “It’d be a real shame if something happened to your package.”

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of an article that says “Men who eat meat more likely to be infertile” at right top corner.]

Michael Che: According to a new study, men who eat too much meat are raising the risk of becoming infertile. On the other hand, this dude has five kids that we know of. [Picture chages to Donald Trump]

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of “The Daily Wire” logo at left top corner.]

The conservative media organization The Daily Wire said they’ll spend $100 million to create children’s programming to counter woke media companies. Programs will include

Colin Jost: “Clifford the Big straight dog”, “Encanto but an English”, and “One Fish, Two Fish, that’s how many fish genders there are”.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of an article that says “Escaped flamingo found 17 years later” at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Wildlife officials say that a flamingo that escaped from a Kansas zoo Colin Jost7 years ago has been spotted in Texas, or and hear me out, flamingos look like of the flamingos.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a bear at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: Wildlife officials in Tennessee have captured a 500 pound black bear living on a college campus. A black bear that, let’s face it, took the spot of more deserving white and Asian bears. [picture changes to polar bear and a panda]

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Tyler Perry at right top corner.]

Michael Che: In a recent interview, Tyler Perry revealed that he has used his Medea voice while having sex. Damn, dude must like sex drives hell.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Caduceus at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: A new study shows that in the past Michael Che0 years, pre diabetes and children has more than doubled. Thanks largely to the popularity of Mountain Dew breast milk blast.