Colin Jost: Well, it’s the holiday season which can be especially tough for children of divorce. Here to comment is child of divorce, Michael Longfellow.
Michael Longfellow: Happy Holidays, everyone. Happy Holidays, Colin.
Colin Jost: Happy Holidays, Michael. So your parents are divorced. Was that hard for you?
Michael Longfellow: No. I was a tiny little baby. I have no memory of them ever being together. To be honest, until I got older, I wasn’t even sure if they knew each other. I remember one time a kid on the playground told me, “You know your parents had sex to have you?” And I was like, “Well, I don’t think they’ve met. So that’s stupid.”
Colin Jost: Oh, sure you were aware at some point they’d met right?
Michael Longfellow: I wasn’t, and don’t call me Shirley. Snakes on a Plane?
Colin Jost: It’s not Snakes on a Plane. Okay. All right. Obviously, the holidays must have been more difficult with divorced parents.
Michael Longfellow: I disagree. There are perks to having parents that are always getting married and you know divorced and married again. You ever asked for a brother for Christmas and actually get one? I have. And I don’t have to wait for him to grow up. He came off the shelf ready to go. We were playing catch that day.
Colin Jost: Wow, that must have been nice.
Michael Longfellow: Must have it. It was.I’m sorry. And brothers aren’t the only thing divorce has given me. It’s given me sisters, moms, dads, and all of different genres. Like you have my real dad, who’s very strict and quiet and wear suits. And then you have my newest dad Terry, who’s a semi nudist. I’ve seen naked 43 times.
Colin Jost: Wait, what?
Michael Longfellow: And I’ll tell you this, Colin, when you see your mom’s boyfriend naked, you think a lot of things, but you don’t think it’s gonna happen 42 more times.
Colin Jost: Well, at least hope he has a nice body.
Michael Longfellow: Why?
Colin Jost: No, I don’t know. Nevermind. So, are you saying you then pro divorce?
Michael Longfellow: Well, my dad is a divorce attorney. So put food on my table.
Colin Jost: Wait, so your father is a divorce attorney who’s also been divorced?
Michael Longfellow: Multiple times. I mean, this guy walks the walk. Is he a bad husband or a workaholic? Man as an artist. He’s out in the field getting his hands dirty. But he was still a great dad. Like, he told me everything a kid should know. Brush your teeth, do your homework. If infidelity can’t be proven, they’re only entitled to 30%. And it’s not easy to prove in a court of law. Text messages are not enough.
Michael Che: Hmm, it’s good to know.
Colin Jost: So it sounds then that your dad enjoys his work.
Michael Longfellow: Oh, absolutely. In fact, he met his current wife because he handled her divorce. Some would say that’s a conflict of interest, but I just say he’s got that dog in him.
Colin Jost: Michael Longfellow, everyone.
Michael Longfellow: And don’t call me Shirley.