Womens Commercial

[Starts with three women standing and talking on camera]

Chloe: I want to express myself because I’m young and hard and I want to show it.

Melissa: And I want to look as young as I feel.

Sarah: But anti aging creams and hair dyes have harmful chemicals that just aren’t me.

Melissa: Because I’m eco friendly and a little funky too.

All: What did we do?

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Both: Sounds like you need gray adult pigtails.

Kate: Number one hairstyle for whimsical women of a certain age.

Aidy: Whether you’re a puppeteer…

Kate: A pet psychic…

Aidy: Or someone’s aunt’s therapists wife.

Kate: You need a hairstyle that says “People are going to be talking about me for years after meeting me for five minutes.”

Aidy: Because you’re unique.

Kate: You love art.

Aidy: And you want people to see you and think “Got it.”

Kate: So grab two elastics and change your life with gray adult pigtails.

Aidy: Because you never stopped smoking pot. Why should your hair? Pair it with…

Kate: A Cranberries t shirt…

Aidy: Children’s to-to…

Kate: This bag.

Aidy: Denim overalls, naked underneath…

Kate: And Rasta hat in culturally neutral color.

[cut to Heidi]

Heidi: You wish you could be this whimsical? I look how incense smells. I grow all my own food but my electric bill for twinkle lights would blow your mind.

[Cut to Natasha]

Natasha: I have a boyfriend who comes over once a week. He lives in the woods, keeps bongos in his truck and is very much a sculptor.

[boyfriend walks in]

Richard: Hey, pussycat.

Natasha: Richard baby, how’d you sculpt and go today?

Richard: Hmm, I don’t know. [pulls in a bad sculpture] Do these sharp rusty beauties answer your question?

Natasha: Oh, Richard baby. You’re a genius. I love your mind even more than your body.

Richard: And you know what else she loves? My great adult pig tail [showing his pigtail beard].

Natasha: That’s right, they’re not just for ladies. They’re for Richard too.

[cut back to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: You are married to that golf playing doctor for way too long. You want to attract the right kind of man.

Aidy: When I put my gray hair way up high, I immediately got an amazing boyfriend.

Kate: Me too. The same one.

[Richard walks in]

Aidy: Yeah, we’re all dating Richard. He’s like if a guy was magic and we’ll love him forever.

Kate: Nine years ago, we met at a white Buddhist temple for swingers.

Aidy: Yeah, and he’s a freak for these gray adult pigtails.

Richard: What can I say? Can’t ride a bike with no handle bars.

All: [blushing] Come on, Richard!

[Asian girl walks in]

Asian girl: Are we talking about piggy ties?

[cheers and applause]

Look what I made. It’s an extremely sharp metal guitar.

Kate: You know what we should do. Let’s blow the metal roof off this place. Hit it.

[asian girl playing guitar]

All: [singing] The seasons, they go round and round
and the painted moldings, they go up and down

Male voice: Grey adult pigtails. Find them at any natural health booster?

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