Italian Waiters


Ego: This place is so cute.

Heidi: Look at all those grapes on the wall.

[waiter walks in]

Pedro: Oh, buona sera. Please. Welcome to Angeleno’s Real Italian restaurant. And this is the most beautiful table I have ever seen. You take my breath away. Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella.. Smart. I’ll be right back with the menu.

Sarah: Did he say smart?

Chloe: That’s a compliment.

Ego: Maybe he likes you more.

Marcello: Buongiorno, mi scusi. I have water for you. Bellissima, Bellissima, Bellissima, Bellissima, and the funny one.

Sarah: Sorry, do I look weird today or something?

Heidi: Of course, not.

Chloe: No, no way.

Pedro: Now, let me guess. [to Ego] You are a model.

Ego: You are sweet. No.

Pedro: You are a statue.

Ego: No. I’m a nurse.

Pedro: No, this is a crime. Okay, I try again. [to Sarah] You are a writer.

Sarah: No, I’m actually an actor. I was even in a movie.

Pedro: Yes. Babadook.

Sarah: I’m not the Babadook. Just go. What is my vibe today?

Marcello: Ladies, I want to introduce you to chef Dino. He wants to give you gift, a little bite.

Kenan: Yes. For such beautiful, you deserve something very special.

Heidi: Oh, pretty.

Kenan: This for you. This for you. And for you, Chili.

Sarah: Chili? This is huge.

Kenan: Oh yes, a big boy chili. Enjoy.

Sarah: Why do they even have that here?

Heidi: I think it was nice they made you something special.

Ego: Yeah.

Pedro: Ladies, do you have a question about the menu?

Chloe: Oh, yes. Can I get the spaghetti with extra meatballs?

Pedro: Anything for you? Now, I have a question. Will you marry me?

Chloe: Oh, that is so sweet. But I’m already married.

Pedro: Oh, lucky, man.

Sarah: Actually, I’m married too.

Pedro: Oh, to your career?

Sarah: Oh my god.

Heidi: Jen, I don’t know what’s going on. Those two guys seriously just have weird taste.

Mikey: Buonanotte, Buonanotte, candles for the ladies. And let me just unscrew this light. [takes away the bulb that’s just aboe Sarah.] Much better. Ain’t seen you order. Your Harley Davidson is leaking oil all over the street. Can you move it?

Sarah: I don’t drive a Harley.

Mikey: My mistake.

Sarah: Whatever. Where is our waiter?

Pedro: Yes, what can I do for you?

Sarah: Can we just order? And by the way, I actually am beautiful.

Pedro: Everyone is beautiful. And you most of all, because it’s the kind that’s on the inside.

Sarah: You know what? I’ve had enough insult. I’m just gonna go home and have a salad.

Pedro: Oh, this is so sad. Was it something I said?

Ego: Yeah, everything you said. Why were you like that to her?

Pedro: Oh, I must confess. Whenever there’s a group of women, we team up against one and flattered the others for more tips. Is that bad?

Ego: Oh. I see.

Chloe: I mean, it was definitely working on me. I was gonna give the biggest tip of my life.

Heidi: But hey, you seriously misread our friend by the way. [engine starting] What was that?

Marcello: Oh, it is your friend. She’s outside. Look.

Pedro: So smart.

Marcello: Big boy chili.

Male voice: Big Boy Chili, for your prettiest friend.

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