Pedro Pascal Monologue

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Pedro Pascal.

[Pedro Pascal walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Pedro Pascal: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. I’m so excited to be here. Thank you. I spent the last year shooting a show called The Last of Us on HBO. For some HBO shows, you get to shoot in a five star Italian resort surrounded by beautiful people. But I said “No, that’s too easy. I want to shoot in a freezing Canadian forest while being chased around by a guy whose head looks like a genital wart.” It is an honor being a part of these huge franchises like Game of Thrones and Star Wars, but I’m still getting used to people recognizing me. The other day a guy stopped me on the street and said “My son loves the Mandalorian.” The next thing I know I’m FaceTiming with a six year old who has no idea who I am because my character wears a mask for the entire show. So the guy is like “Just do the mando voice.” But the man’s voice is like a bedroom voice. Without the mask, it just sounds corny. So people walking by on the street just see me whispering to a six year old kid. “I can bring you in warm or I can bring you in cold.”

Even though I came to the US when I was little, I was born in Chile, and I have 34 first cousins who are still there. They’re very proud of me. I know they’re proud because they give my phone number to every single person they meet. Which means every day someone in Santiago will text me stuff like “Can you come to my wedding?” Or “Can you sing my priest Happy Birthday?” Or “Is baby Yoda mean in real life?” So I have to be like “No, no, no And his name is Grogu.

My cousins weren’t always so proud. Early in my career, I played small parts in every crime show. I even played two different characters on Law and Order. Pizza Cabasa, who looked like this. And one year later, I played Reggie Luqman who looked like this. And that, my friends is called range.

But it is amazing to be here. Like I said, I was born in Chile, and nine months later, my parents fled Pinochet and brought me and my sister to the US. They were so brave, and without them I wouldn’t be here in this wonderful country. And I certainly wouldn’t be standing here with you all tonight. So to all my family watching in Chile, I just want to say te amo, [foreign language]. Which means I love you. I miss you and stop giving out my phone number.

We’ve got an amazing show for you tonight. Cold Play is here. So stick around. We’ll be right back.