Please Don’t Destroy – Self-Defense

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Kurt lightning… Travis Kelce

John: Dude, where are our coffees? Wasn’t an intern supposed to grab them?

Ben: Let me check. Looks like they said we don’t get coffee’s for little bitch boys.

John: Again?

Ben: I mean, come on, man? Are we little bitch boys?

John: Guys, we need to learn how to stick up for ourselves.

Ben: We can’t keep getting bullied by interns.

John: I think I know someone who can help us.

Kurt Lightning: I’m Kurt lightning. And I know why you all signed up for my class. You’re searching for confidence. The confidence of not only knowing you can defend yourself, but that you’re somebody worth defending. Say it with me, I am worth it.

All: I am worth it.

Kurt Lightning: Say it’s like you mean it.

All: I am worth it.

Kurt Lightning: Feel it. You, get up here. What’s your name, son?

John: John.

Kurt Lightning: Oh, John. I can hear it in your voice. You feel small, don’t you son?

John: Yes.

Kurt Lightning: You got to own it, son. Own your truth.

John: I feel small.

Kurt Lightning: But you’re not small. Put your hands up. I am going to strike. And when I strike you deflect. And I want you to hit me back. And when you do, imagine I’m the voice in your head telling you “You aren’t worth it.” Because what are you?

John: I am worth it.

Kurt Lightning: Now, are you ready?

John: I am ready.

[Kurt Lightning punches John so hard, he is knocked out on the floor]

Kurt Lightning: Woo-hoo. Too slow, fasto. Who’s next?

Ben: John? Are you okay? [to Kurt Lightning] Why did you do that to him?

Kurt Lightning: You’re next.

Ben: No, no, I don’t want to-

Kurt Lightning: Why are you so afraid, son?

Ben: You punched my friend and I’m worried he’s dead.

Kurt Lightning: That’s not it. You’re afriaid that your father was right.

Ben: I don’t want to talk about him.

Kurt Lightning: Well, that’s not an option. Because your father was wrong.

Ben: Kurt, please.

Kurt Lightning: You are a man and I need you to tell him that.

Ben: But how?

Kurt Lightning: Close your eyes.

[Kurt Lightning punches Ben so hard, now he is also knocked out on the floor]

Martin: Oh!

Kurt Lightning: Didn’t stand a chance, bucko! He really closed his eyes. [everyone is laughing]

Martin: Is this what the class is?

Kurt Lightning: You’ve been scared your whole life.

Martin: Oh, no.

Kurt Lightning: You lost your mother at a young age.

Martin: That didn’t happen.

Kurt Lightning: Because your father wasn’t there to protect her.

Martin: You’re making stuff up, man.

Kurt Lightning: But I’m here to show you that a man can defend the ones he loves. I want you to punch this woman right here. [there’s an old lady standing beside him]

Martin: No way.

Kurt Lightning: And I will deflect your strike.

Martin: Okay, but why are we doing this?

Kurt Lightning: I want to show you a real man defends the woman he loves.

Martin: Right, but you’re positive that you will block.

Kurt Lightning: Absolutely.

Martin: Because if I hit this woman, she will die.

Kurt Lightning: Punch her or I’m gonna punch you.

Martin: Okay, you got it.

[The old lady blocks the punch]

Old lady: Nice try, bitch.

Martin: Oh my god.

[Old lady throws Martin hard]

Kurt Lightning: Oh, Shally, you did that damn thing.

[a revolver falls out of Martin’s pants]

John: Martin, a revolver fall out of your pants? Why do you have this?

Martin: Because I live in fear. What do you think of in this class?

Old lady: Give me that. [throws all the bullet away except one] You want to play a game?

John: What? Russian Roullette?

Old lady: Ha-ha-ha. Feeling lucky, slick?

John: Come on, don’t do it.

[Ben throws the old lady to the shelf]

Ben: Are you okay? Oh my god.

[Kurt Lightning starts clapping. Everybody starts clapping.]

Kurt Lightning: Great work guys. You finally stood up for yourself.

Martin: What the hell are you talking about?

Kurt Lightning: I think somebody owes you some coffees.

[the interns walk in with coffees]

Ben: What? The interns?

Intern: Hey guys, after you shove that old lady into the trophy case, I finally respect you.

Ben: Thanks, guys.

[Kurt Lightning hits all three of them and they all fall]

Intern: And here’s your coffee. [they throw coffee on their faces]

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