Sam… Woody Harrelson
Kevin… Kenan Thompson
Ego Nwodim
Heidi Gardner
[Starts with a group of people in line to play Slingshot]
Kevin: Oh man, here we are. Come on. Y’all want to do the Slingshot?
Heidi: Oh my god, look at this thing. It’s so high.
Sam: Man. That’s way up there.
Kevin: Come on, it’s not that high. Let’s do it. Who’s coming?
Ego: Baby, you know I can’t get on that thing. I get so scared.
Kevin: Oh, come on. Please.
Heidi: Sam will go with you.
Sam: Me? Yeah, well, I don’t know. I mean-
Kevin: Yeah, come on, Sam. You can punk out in front of your girl.
Heidi: Yes, Sam. Kevin needs a partner. You’re brave, right?
Sam: Okay. I guess.
Attendant: Gentlemen, ready to fly?
Kevin: Oh, yeah.
Attendant: We’re clear for takeoff.
Sam: This thing’s safe, right?
Attendant: Of course. It shoots you up 400 feet for three seconds. No problem, right?
Kevin: Sounds good to me.
Attendant: Yeah. Just 10 G’s right in your face. Hope you’re okay with that.
Kevin: Doesn’t bother me at all, man. I’m a veteran. I was in the Air Force.
Attendant: Love that.
Sam: You know what? I want to get off.
Kevin: Get off? Man, it’s too late with that now, Sammy.
Sam: No, no, no, I really, really want to get off.
Kevin: Hey, he can’t hear you, man. Just get ready for the countdown. Oh, here we go. All right, it’s happening in 3-2-1. Oh my goodness. Oh my god, Jesus.
[Kevin faints]
Sam: Man, this is so high. Whooo! It’s like we’re birds. Hey Kevin, I think I can see my house. Kevin? You see it?
Kevin: Yeah, I got it. [wakes up] Ahh! [He screams for a while then faints again]
Sam: Hey man, you passed out? Kevin? Kevin?
Heidi: Oh my god. Did you see how fast they went up?
Ego: That was insane. It was so insane. I know. I know. I know. Okay, here they come, here they come.
[Sam and Kevin walk to them]
Heidi: Hey, you’re alive.
Sam: Ha-ha-ha.
Ego: How was it?
Sam: Crazy. I can’t believe I did that. They shoot you up so high.
Kevin: Yeah, that was pretty wild.
Ego: Was it fun?
Sam: Oh, actually it was. Man, I mean, that was a once in a lifetime experience.
Kevin: It sure was. Let’s go and get in the car now.
Ego: No, you know what, Kevin? I’ll do it.
Kevin: Oh you gonna do it?
Ego: Yeah. You’ll go with me right, baby?
Kevin: Yeah, yeah, of course.
Heidi: Go, girl. I love it.
Ego: I can’t believe we’re doing this.
Kevin: I can’t believe it either.
[Ego and Kevin walk to the seats]
Attendant: Glad to have you back.
Attendant: Looks like a returned customer. Very brave.
Kevin: Yeah, yeah. Hey man, can we go up real soft and come down real gentle?
Attendant: No can do. This thing has only one speed.
Ego: Baby, we’re gonna be okay, right?
Kevin: I want to say yes. I guess we just gotta wait for the countdown. Alright, here we go. In 3-2. Ahhh! [screaming] No, no, no.
[Kevin faints]
Ego: Kevin? Kevin, you okay baby? Kevin? Oh my god. Talk to me. Kevin?
Kevin: [wakes up] Ah, I’m passing out. I’m passing out!
[Kevin faints again]
Ego: What do you mean passing out? You were in the Air Force.
Kevin: Yes, yes. I was only painting the planes though.
Ego: Kevin? Just calm down.
Kevin: Oh baby, I lost my job three weeks ago.
Ego: You lost your job?
Kevin: Oh my goodness. I’m 17 years older too, by the way. I ain’t tell you, I thought you daddy was gonna tell you. [faints again]
Ego: What? Kevin?
Kevin: [wakes up] Oh, I’m peeing. I’m peeing on everything. I’m peeing all over the place, honey. Oh, get me out of here.
Heidi: You know what? I wanna do it.
Ego: Oh good. Kevin will go with you.
Kevin: No. No, I’m done.
Heidi: Oh, this is fun.
Kevin: Why is nobody listening to me? Oh, I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready. Ah!
[Kevin faints again]