Kenan Thompson
Marcello Hernandez
[Starts with two towel guys talking to each other]
Kenan: And they looking man, they looking, they looking, and then somehow they find Nemo?
Marcello: No. That’s crazy, man. It’s a big ocean and like a small little fish.
Kenan: Oh man. They got lucky, man. What can I say? They got lucky?
Heidi: Hey, can I get a towel?
Kenan: Yeah, one more. Hey, you American?
Heidi: I am, yeah.
Marcello: Ellen Dememenemes?
Heidi: What?
Marcello: You know, the TV lady. Ellen Demenemes. She always come out dancing. You know what I mean? Like…
[Marcello and Kenan start dancing]
Heidi: Okay.
Kenan: You don’t know Ellen Demenemes? She married to the car. The Porsche. This chick is funny, man.
Heidi: Yeah, Ellen DeGeneres. Can I please have my towel?
Marcello: Of course. No problem.
Heidi: Okay, that took way too long.
Kenan: [mocking] Oh, I’m sorry. Way too long. You know? Last night I saw this movie ‘Mission Impossible’. But the mission not impossible because he gonna do it.
Marcello: They should call it ‘Mission He Probably Gonna Do It’.
Kenan: Right?
Michael: What’s up, fellas? Can I get a towel por favor?
Kenan: Oh, my friend is on dualingo.
Michael: Ah! You know, to show you a little taste.
Kenan: Yeah. You American?
Michael: Yeah, I’m from New Jersey.
Marcello: Oh, Tony Soprano.
Kenan: Tony Soprano.
Marcello: Give me a cannoli.
Kenan: Give me a cannoli.
Marcello: Give me a cannoli, or I’m gonna drown you.
Kenan: One thing about Tony, man. You don’t give him his Cannoli, he gonna drown you. That’s easy for him coz he’s strong.
Marcello: Hey man, here’s your towel.
Michael: Thanks. Gracias. Todo del banyo.
Marcello: Dualingo.
Kenan: You’re welcome for the bathroom, man. Did you guys see?
Mike: Ah, what’s so funny? Did you guys see Ellen Demenemes?
[They start dancing]
Kenan: No, no. She’s not here.
Mike: Well, I just want to take in with my two favorite towel guys.
Marcello: Hey, question for you. Is it true that you trying to replace us with a machine?
Mike: No, no, no, I would never do that. No.
Kenan: Could you please?
Marcello: Yeah, man, because then we can do different job in the hotel. You know, I want to fold the toilet paper into a little triangle. So for the first wipe is crazy.
Kenan: Yeah. And I want to be the concierge. You know? I get a map. And then I circled things on the map. And then I say you can go down.
Mike: Well, as William Shakespeare once said, the very substance of the ambition is merely a shadow of a dream.
Sarah: Excuse me. I’ve been waiting 15 minutes for my umbrella.
Mike: Sorry, I no speak English. [Sarah leaves getting frustrated] Guys want to know a secret? I do speak English.
Marcello: Oh man, you’re crazy.
Kenan: Oh my god. Mamacitas, two o’clock.
Chloe: Hey, can we get a couple of towels?
Marcello: Oh yes, of course. This one for the old little mermaid and one for the new little mermaid.
Kenan: A whole new girl.
Chloe: Yeah, very funny, guys.
Ego: And that song is from Aladdin. Yeah.
Kenan: Aladdin?
Marcello: Like, climb on a-ladder?
Kenan: Climb on a-ladder.
James: Hey, I’m having the time of my life down here in Punta Cana.
Marcello: Oh, that’s nice.
James: Yeah, I love the way you’ll be playing with the plantain. I didn’t think I was gonna like it, but now I’m like banana for dinner? Okay.
Kenan: Hey, man, you know who you sound like? You sound like the Forrest Gump.
Marcello: Oh yeah. That guy who can’t find Yanni, you know? His brain don’t reach his leg, so he can run forever.
Kenan: So he can run forever.
James: Hey, I just want to thank you fellows for all your help today. Do you mind if I give you a little something for your trouble?
Kenan: Oh, yes. It’s okay, we accept tips, papi.
James: I’ll do you one better than a tip. How about a prayer? Here we go. Lord, please protect these wonderful Dominican gentlemen from the harsh rays of the sun Lord.
Marcello: That’s nice.
Kenan: I wanted the money.
James: Please, Lord, this morning, please put a cool fresh breeze in their hearts, Lord.
Marcello: That’s good.
Kenan: The money will be better.
James: And Lord, protect them from all evil in Jesus name. Amen.
Kenan: Alright. Thank you very much.
Marcello: You know Jesus is good.
Kenan: Yes, Jesus is good. Money is better. You know what I’m saying? Hey, you know who has a lot of money?
Both: Ellen Demenemes.
[they start dancing]