Weekend Update- Genetics Company Reviving the Dodo Bird, Bear Poses for Selfies

 

[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set. There’s a picture of a dodo.]

Colin Jost: A genetic engineering company has announced plans to bring back the long extinct dodo bird, but only for a limited time at Arby’s.

Male voice: Arby’s, we have the dodo’s.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of AMC logo.]

Michael Che: AMC Theaters is celebrating Black History Month by offering $5 tickets to recently released black led movies like “Wakanda Forever” and “The Woman King.” They’re also honoring black people by starting the movie 20 minutes late. Did you get that Colin?

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a bear.]

Colin Jost: I don’t know. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Police officials in Colorado say that a bear discovered a wildlife camera in the woods and posed for more than 400 selfies. 400 selfies of a bear is also known as a Grindr profile.

[picture changes to a smartphone]

The US Surgeon General is warning that children are joining social media at too young and age, and they should wait until they’re at least Colin Jost6, when they’re hotter.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a house.]

Michael Che: A new study finds that despite women making less money than men, more single women in the US own homes than single men. Thanks to a phenomenon economist called divorce.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of chicken wings.]

Colin Jost: Whoo, divorce. A school official in Illinois has been arrested on charges of stealing over $1 million worth of chicken wings. Said the official, “I swear, I was gonna give all the money back.”

Michael Che: No, don’t.

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