Weekend Update Guru Genesis Fry on Mental Health

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Colin Jost

Genesis Fry… Sarah Sherman

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: With mental health struggles on the rise, some Americans are seeking alternative forms of wellness. Here to help is meditation guru, Genesis Fry.

Genesis Fry: Hello, Colin. Join me, won’t you? On a guided meditation to the center of your mind.

Colin Jost: Oh, like right now?

Genesis Fry: Yes, Colin. Colin. Are you ready to meet Colin?

Colin Jost: Oh, I don’t know. I’m scared.

Genesis Fry: Colin Take my hand. And close your eyes.

Colin Jost: Okay.

Genesis Fry: I want you to picture yourself after the show tonight, Colin. As usual fans are taking pictures with Chloe, selfies with Bowen, you step outside and not a single ball flashes.

Colin Jost: Okay, that’s not tur.e

Genesis Fry: Shh. Relax, relax. Relax your arms. Relax your body. Relax your arms. Softer than I imagined. You get into your car without acknowledging your driver. He’s like a sub human creature to you.

Colin Jost: That’s not true.

Genesis Fry: What’s his name, Colin?

Colin Jost: It’s- Let’s just focus on the meditation.

Genesis Fry: You get home and you rewatch tonight’s Update. 21 laughs for Michael, 4 for you. You’re improving, but it’s slow.

Colin Jost: Genesis, come on.

Genesis Fry: Shh. Colin, relax. Relax.

Colin Jost: I’m relaxed.

Genesis Fry: Relax.

Colin Jost: I’m relaxed.

Genesis Fry: Repeat after me. I am Colin Jost.

Colin Jost: I am Colin Jost.

Genesis Fry: I am full of light.

Colin Jost: I am full of light.

Genesis Fry: Everything in my life…

Colin Jost: Everything in my life…

Genesis Fry: Was simply handed to me.

Colin Jost: I’m not saying that.

Genesis Fry: It’s okay, Colin. It’s natural to fight against to break through.

Colin Jost: Right.

Genesis Fry: Give me your hand.

Colin Jost: You’re already holding my hand.

Genesis Fry: I know. Well, it’s so soft. You’ve never done an honest day’s work in your life.

Colin Jost: No. No.

Genesis Fry: Shh, relax. Picture it, Colin. You’re in your dressing room after the show tonight, still fuming about bilingual monologue.

Colin Jost: That would not upset me. No.

Genesis Fry: Shh. You’re so alone. The only person in the world who cares about you is Antonio.

Colin Jost: Who is Antonia?

Genesis Fry: Your driver, Colin. Now Sunday morning, picture it Colin. You’re standing in the NBC gift shop to see if anyone recognizes you.

Colin Jost: Sunday morning?

Genesis Fry: No one does. No one does. Finally, a man notices you. He runs up to you so excited, “Colin Jost! Colin Jost!” he says. And he serves you with court papers.

Colin Jost: Court papers?

Genesis Fry: It turns out someone does recognize you. 32 women to be exact.

Colin Jost: You’re making this up.

Genesis Fry: Repeat after me, Colin. I am Colin Jost.

Colin Jost: I am Colin Jost.

Genesis Fry: I am a star.

Colin Jost: I am a star.

Genesis Fry: If you want to shine like the sun, first you have to burn like it.

Colin Jost: If you want to shine like the sun, first you have to burn like it.

Genesis Fry: You did it, Colin. Yes.

Colin Jost: Wow, I actually love that last quote. Did you just come up with that?

Genesis Fry: No, it’s a famous Hitler quote, Colin. And it’s your new quote too.

Colin Jost: Oh my god. Alright. Hitler slash Colin? Genesis Fry, everyone.

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