Colin Jost
Randy McNally… Molly Kearney
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]Colin Jost: This week, Tennessee Lieutenant Governor Randy McNally was caught using his verified Instagram account to engage with provocative photos of a young gay man. Here to comment is Lieutenant Governor Randy McNally.
[Randy McNally slides in]Randy McNally: Sorry I’m late. I spent all day printing out map quest directions.
Colin Jost: Oh my god. Map quest?
Randy McNally: Yes, I don’t know if you noticed, but I am not good at the internet.
Colin Jost: Yeah, right. So Randy, you’re a married man who supports Tennessee’s anti drag laws. Can you explain why you commented on a thirst trap saying “You can turn a rainy day into rainbows and sunshine?”
Randy McNally: Well, I didn’t think people would find out because I used to screen name.
Colin Jost: Oh, what is the screen name?
Randy McNally: Lieutenant Governor McNally.
Colin Jost: Randy, do you see how this could be a problem? And also I want to find out you commented three hearts and three fire emojis on this naked photo of the same young gay man.
Randy McNally: Well Colin, I don’t discriminate. I comment on photos of all their orientations. Orientations like from the side, from the front, from the back. There does not have to be a butt, but it helps. Whenever the photo, it’s my job to encourage my constituents.
Colin Jost: Right. No, I think there’s just maybe some confusion about your beliefs.
Randy McNally: Colin, I stand by my traditional values. I believe a woman should be in the home and a man should be Colin Jost43 pounds dancing to Dua Lipa.
Colin Jost: Okay. Okay. Yes, you’re very, very cute, but you are claiming these interactions are innocent, but it does not look good.
Randy McNally: Colin. I’m just looking out for the little guy Joe Average. Every Tom Dick and hairless.
Colin Jost: I think so the people of Tennessee feel misled.
Randy McNally: Oh, Colin. It’s no big deal. I’m just looking. Looking at pictures on Zillow doesn’t make me a homeowner, although I have done a few 3d tours.
Colin Jost: Okay. Randy-
Randy McNally: Randy by name, Randy by nature.
Colin Jost: Why are you interacting with these young man? Why?
Randy McNally: Because I’m talking to voters or people who could vote in the future. I’m a proud conservative. I respect police officers, firefighters and any man who puts his body online for others.
Colin Jost: Do you mean on the line for others?
Randy McNally: What did I say? By the way, any chance you can put me out another map quest? I’m trying to get to flaming saddles.
Colin Jost: Alright. Randy, folks are calling you a hypocrite for endorsing anti LGBTQ laws while seeming to enjoy queer content.
Randy McNally: Well, Colin, what do you want me to say? I’m a hypocrite that I was flirting with the 20 year old dancing around in his fine washables. That I made it legal to have guns in libraries but not drag queens? That I publicly hate things that I secretly like? Both Republicans and Democrats are telling me to get off Instagram. And guess what? I will, because I forgot my password.
Colin Jost: Randy McNally, everyone.
Randy McNally: Make me a flaming saddle.