SNL Transcripts: George Carlin: 10/11/75: Bee Hospital

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1

75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

Bee Hospital

Written by: Rosie Shuster

Nurse #1…..Jane Curtin
Mr. Bee #1…..Dan Aykroyd
Nurse #2…..Laraine Newman
Mr. Bee #2…..Garrett Morris
Nurse #3…..Gilda Radner
Mr. Bee #3…..John Belushi
Mr. Bee #4…..Chevy Chase

[ open on “Bee Hospital” title card, over organ-flavored soap opera music ]

Announcer: and now we return to “Bee Hospital.”

[ dissolve to Bee Hospital waiting room, as prospective bee dads pace around one another ] [ Nurse #1 enters carrying baby bee ]

Nurse #1: Mr. Bee!

Mr. Bee #1: Yes?

Nurse #1: Congratulations! It’s a drone!

Mr. Bee #1: It’s a drone! It’s a drone!

[ the other Bees congratulate him accordingly, as Mr. Bee #1 follows Nurse #1 out of the scene ] [ the pacing continues, as Nurse #2 enters carrying baby ]

Nurse #2: Mr. Bee?

Mr. Bee #2: Yes?

Nurse #2: Congratulations! It’s a drone!

Mr. Bee #2: It’s a drone! It’s a drone!

[ the other Bees congratulate him accordingly, as Mr. Bee #2 follows Nurse #2 out of the scene ] [ the pacing continues, as Nurse #3 enters carrying baby ]

Nurse #3: Mr. Bee?

Mr. Bee #3: Yes?

Nurse #3: Congratulations! It’s a worker!

Mr. Bee #3: [ on the verge of disappointment ] It’s a worker?

Other Bees: Hey, it’s a worker. It’s a worker.

Mr. Bee #3: [ happily ] Awwww, it’s a worker!

[ dissolve to title card ]

Announcer: Thus, concludes this week’s chapter of “Bee Hospital.” And, now, a scene from next week’s episode of “Bee Hospital.”

[ dissolve back to the Bee Hospital waiting room, as the prospective bee dads continue to pace around one another ] [ Nurse #1 enters carrying baby bee ]

Nurse #1: Mr. Bee?

Me. Bee #4: Yes?

Nurse #1: Congratulations, Mr. Bee, it’s a queen!

[ the full group of Bees cheer triumphantly ] [ dissolve back to title card ] [ fade ]

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