Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 1
Written by: Tom Schiller
Hands … Chevy Chase
[Close-up of spotlit hands on a black background.]
Announcer V/O: Arthritis in the adult is painful,lonely, and sometimes difficult to manage.
[The sore, aching hands massage one another’s joints.]
Arthritis is particularly annoying when coupled withneuralgia and severe muscular tension. Abrupt weatherchanges can add discomfort.
[Flashing red lights indicate soreness and pain in thehands.]
Inflamed tissues can cause local swelling, calling forspecial relief.
[A medicine bottle magically appears between thehands.]
Triopenin, [pronounced: TRY OPENIN’] a compound ofpowerful anti-arthritic spantials and antihistamines,speeds soothing relief where needed.
[The hands try unsuccessfully to unscrew the bottle’stop.]
Triopenin is gentle, non-habit-forming, aids insoothing muscles and liberating stiff, painful joints.
[The hands pound on the bottle top and then try to pryit off, to no avail.]
Soon, you’re handling life again, feeling better, andgetting a firm grasp on the situation.
[Dissolve to a graphic that reads TRIOPENIN with aphoto of two bottles — one of them shattered, thepink pills spilled across a blue background.]
Triopenin — get your hands working again. Now withthe new childproof safety cap.