SNL Transcripts: George Carlin: 10/11/75: Triopenin

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1

75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

Triopenin

Written by: Tom Schiller

Announcer …
Hands … Chevy Chase

[Close-up of spotlit hands on a black background.]

Announcer V/O: Arthritis in the adult is painful,lonely, and sometimes difficult to manage.

[The sore, aching hands massage one another’s joints.]

Arthritis is particularly annoying when coupled withneuralgia and severe muscular tension. Abrupt weatherchanges can add discomfort.

[Flashing red lights indicate soreness and pain in thehands.]

Inflamed tissues can cause local swelling, calling forspecial relief.

[A medicine bottle magically appears between thehands.]

Triopenin, [pronounced: TRY OPENIN’] a compound ofpowerful anti-arthritic spantials and antihistamines,speeds soothing relief where needed.

[The hands try unsuccessfully to unscrew the bottle’stop.]

Triopenin is gentle, non-habit-forming, aids insoothing muscles and liberating stiff, painful joints.

[The hands pound on the bottle top and then try to pryit off, to no avail.]

Soon, you’re handling life again, feeling better, andgetting a firm grasp on the situation.

[Dissolve to a graphic that reads TRIOPENIN with aphoto of two bottles — one of them shattered, thepink pills spilled across a blue background.]

Triopenin — get your hands working again. Now withthe new childproof safety cap.

[fade]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts