SNL Transcripts: George Carlin: 10/11/75: Triopenin

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1




75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

Triopenin

Written by: Tom Schiller

Announcer …
Hands … Chevy Chase

[Close-up of spotlit hands on a black background.]

Announcer V/O: Arthritis in the adult is painful,lonely, and sometimes difficult to manage.

[The sore, aching hands massage one another’s joints.]

Arthritis is particularly annoying when coupled withneuralgia and severe muscular tension. Abrupt weatherchanges can add discomfort.

[Flashing red lights indicate soreness and pain in thehands.]

Inflamed tissues can cause local swelling, calling forspecial relief.

[A medicine bottle magically appears between thehands.]

Triopenin, [pronounced: TRY OPENIN’] a compound ofpowerful anti-arthritic spantials and antihistamines,speeds soothing relief where needed.

[The hands try unsuccessfully to unscrew the bottle’stop.]

Triopenin is gentle, non-habit-forming, aids insoothing muscles and liberating stiff, painful joints.

[The hands pound on the bottle top and then try to pryit off, to no avail.]

Soon, you’re handling life again, feeling better, andgetting a firm grasp on the situation.

[Dissolve to a graphic that reads TRIOPENIN with aphoto of two bottles — one of them shattered, thepink pills spilled across a blue background.]

Triopenin — get your hands working again. Now withthe new childproof safety cap.

[fade]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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